Here is the Audio File of Chapter 10 of Good Grief Revised, Updated and Expanded Ending Up in the Divine Embrace By Dr. Nancy Moelk[1] Delayed grief will cause us to lose zest for life. It will slowly take your energy and leave you without the expectation that things can ever improve. If you observe small children, you see how game they are for life. Babies exude how much they want to live and live to the fullest. They broadcast “I’m here” and expect others to respond to that and delight in them. They are plucky and full of fight! Grief is the God-given tool for getting rid of hurt, making peace and finally forgiving. This results in plenty of room in our souls for more of God’s joie de vivre: peace, adventure, curiosity, hope, enjoyment and pleasure, accomplishment and the list goes on and on. My co-worker, Richard Kinney came upon these insights into resignation through his work with a client.[2] John was a strong believer and often traveled on mission trips with a renowned healer. They witnessed the blind seeing and lame people walking and many other miraculous healings on these trips. Richard had been mentoring John and asked him why he never asked this healer with whom he was very close, to pray for his chronic pain. It was very curious to Richard that requesting help from such an obvious source was not something John had automatically done. It was at that point that Richard began to recognize the role of resignation in the believer’s life. Resignation cons a person into the false assumption that “there is nothing to do to make things change.” Or, “my efforts will only result in failure, so why try?” Resignation, on the surface, looks like a seamless floor that we are so used to, we take it for granted. And beneath it lurk hopelessness and despair and other evils that scare us into leaving resignation in place. We reason that resignation is a better choice than feeling hopelessness and despair. And it would be except that we can get rid of both through Jesus Christ. Here is an idea for prayer: “Lord Jesus, I ask that you expose the top seamless surface of resignation in me and tear it up then pump and remove the lies underneath.” The floor is hard to see, and many say, “I don’t have resignation.” But upon further investigation they discover they have quite a lot. God is a God of answers and solutions. It was Jesus who said, “knock and the door will be opened and seek, and you will find.” He is heavily invested in helping us to be cleansed from every negative and destructive reaction. Just look at creation. There’s joy, even in the animal kingdom. You can watch puppies play, dolphins swim, birds sing. Birds like singing—they don’t have to sing. God could have made the world in grey-tone, not color. And why use more than one color? The extravagance and variety of creation broadcasts the “aliveness” that is the “way it should be.” Most of us are living well below our potential in terms of joy and energy and effectiveness. One of our main roles as counselors is to restore people to their natural levels of effectiveness, joy and success. And as God aids us to excavate this debris in the soul, we always want to fill it with the Father’s love, optimism, energy, and good health. Scattered hopes and dreams are often the reason resignation begins to lay its tiles in our souls. When resignation takes a hold of you, your deepest held belief causes things to which you’re resigned, to happen. Such as “People don’t like me”, “life is hard”, “people don't cooperate with me”, “I can’t make any friends”. It’s a different song and dance for each different person, but there are many commonalities. “Life’s a drudge”, or some version of “life’s a bummer then you die.” Some call this “self-fulfilling prophecy.” If we hold lies as truth, now without knowing it, we are praying against ourselves. And as our history becomes more and more filled with these negative life experiences in answer to our hidden prayers, we refer to our “history” as concrete evidence these lies are valid! Do you see how this vicious cycle can keep us stuck in a lackluster life at best and deep discouragement at worst? When we have not dealt with loss in a timely fashion our hearts can become hard. Some of the various by-products of delayed grief begin to fill our souls. Besides the obvious unforgiveness that accompanies unresolved hurts, there are four other “soul conditions” we want to talk about here. Our Lord wants to help us to make more room for connection with Him and He will help us to address each of these things that contribute to our hard and negatively full hearts. This list is not exhaustive but very helpful. 1.     Resentment 2.     Bitterness 3.     Resignation 4.     Hopelessness and Despair Resentment is a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will over something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.[3] Ever find yourself mulling over some situation or relationship where you got hurt and couldn’t resolve it? That is the feeling of resentment and as we get older, we can pile up more and more of it! When we reach a certain threshold of resentment and it increasingly becomes a lifestyle, that’s where we become full of bitterness. Bitterness is supported in our soul by a stance that God or whoever was supposed to help us, did not. Our worldview if we become bitter takes on an acrid quality of disappointment and negativity. Rather than hopeful expectation, we anticipate things will not go well for us. No wonder the Bible warns of someone who can defile many by a bitter root.[4] Resignation is where we say: My difficulty, my pain, my sorrow, whatever I am facing—there is no way I can beat it or get away from it, so I am just going to give up and become resigned to it as a way to lessen my own pain. As a child, it is true we can’t walk away from an abusing or annoying parent. Or as an adult we can’t walk away from a medical condition. Resignation is never really a good choice for us because we were created to be aggressive, to be warriors, to be proactive. As adults we can always move back against situations that are unfair even if they are larger than we can face openly. We can always pray against them, invoking God’s will and kingdom to enter every circumstance. But there is an even more compelling purpose to form this false floor of resignation. When we encounter life situations where we have no solution, this provokes in us feelings of hopelessness and despair. Negative emotion is one of the most painful feelings we can experience so we are very interested in avoiding it, if possible. When hopelessness and despair fills an area of our souls, we can cover it up with resignation and pretend it isn’t there. We choose to settle for the dull ache of resigning ourselves to whatever life serves us rather than facing the pit of hopelessness and despair beneath it. One of the signs that a person has hopelessness and despair is when they must go around things instead of straight at them. They take an overly non-confrontational approach to issues because they are afraid of confronting the hopelessness and despair. There is a time to be confrontational and a time to be a peace maker. If we act out of fear and not love, we will be a less effective in our lives. The fourplex of resignation, bitterness, resentment and hopelessness and despair provide seemingly convincing evidence that you can’t go any deeper in life’s pursuits. Deep happiness for you? Nah. A little bit of happiness for you? Yeah, maybe. A life with deep friendships? Nah. Just some casual connections if I get lucky. A lot of success for you? Nah. A little bit of success for you? Maybe. There is no safety for you in the floor of resignation. Everything beneath it (resentment, bitterness, and hopelessness/despair) are not your friends[5]. It slowly takes your energy and robs your life of joy and pleasure. My friend and co-worker, Richard Kinney, likes to go after the hopelessness and despair in a person first. He treats it like moray eels silently slithering through the person’s soul. One of their goals is to make it especially difficult to deal with the other negative qualities inhibiting the person. The task before us looks insurmountable. The negative threats of resentment, resignation, bitterness and hopelessness and despair have thwarted us. But we can start breaking them apart. Imagine that there is a 30-pound block of ice hindering my way and I have a hammer in my hand. Who is going to win? Me or the block of ice? I am going to win. Even if it takes me some time, I am going to pound on that block of ice until it is all little ice chips. That’s the situation we are in. Even though this may be a work that takes some time, we can win out against resignation and everything we thought it was protecting us from. With Jesus Christ we are more than conquerors who strengthens us, so we don’t have to give up Even people in prison or those who are being tortured don’t have to give up. There are small choices we can make both in prayer and outwardly that make a difference. Richard Wurmbrand was a Romanian Pastor who spent fourteen years in communist prisons suffering for his faith in Christ. When he wasn’t in solitary confinement, he endured physical torture and exposure to long periods of hunger and freezing temperatures. In prison, he was given one slice of bread per week for food. Every tenth week, he would “tithe” his food… giving the entire slice to a weaker prisoner as an act of obedience to God.[6] By that small choice he remained   unresigned to his fate even though he couldn’t break out of jail or kill his captors. So, resignation is this floor built on hidden concrete blocks inside your soul. It very difficult for you to swim and flow with the Spirit of God. Our goal is be increasingly lifted-up in a weightless state, able to receive the gentle nudges of the Holy Spirit moving us. If our hearts are heavy and hard, God has to use quite a bit more muscle to get us to turn and go in a different or new direction. Be suspicious if you always have an explanation as to why “things happen to me like this all the time.” You look at your track record and feel you can prove that people in churches don’t like you, or that when you start a new program someone’s going to disdain it. This is not at all like little children. Little kids expect to be successful. When they draw a picture and show you, they expect you to clap. They rejoice in whatever they can do and assume others will rejoice with them. They invite us to share their pleasure at accomplishing whatever they do simply because it is their life and they love it! We, too, can enjoy and appreciate our own personal best. Even if I’m not the best artist, I can have a good day. Most of us are in some way gifted and very lovely given an opportunity. And we give ourselves that opportunity by allowing God to help us remove any resentment, bitterness, resignation and hopelessness and despair that has weighed down our souls. I pray for you right now that the energy and love of God would begin to pull up out of you any and all this debris as you open your heart and expectations to Him. All that we are speaking of here is part of what it takes to deal with the effects of delayed grief. The idea that we need to settle for all this soft coal packed down in our souls repressing and suffocating our real potential is based on lies. “That’s just the way I feel, that always happens to me.” Whatever our story is, we have got to realize that the son or daughter of God has possibilities that we don’t often see expressed around us. If we seek God to show us whatever walls of unbelief have constrained us to live much smaller than we were meant to live, He will reveal to us the foundational lies that keep those walls in place. Here are just a few of those lies: I don’t belong. I will never really be loved. I am a disappointment to others, and they will eventually disappoint me. I should never have been born. The world is a hostile place. People are always out to hurt me. “The Lord wants to propel us into something that looks more like Jesus Christ being manifest on the earth. I think we could see more miracles, genuine joy and salvations based on people saying I want what that guy has. Whatever he has, I don’t know what that is, but I want that. I don’t think many Christians are witnesses like that, but I think they could be.”[7] Richard and I have helped many clients with resignation problems as described above and seen very good fruit. Ridding yourself of resignation and lies will make it easier for you to connect to the spirit man. The key to becoming fully alive is in our spirit man (gender non-specific) who is already inside of us. The grieving process God placed within us will guide us out of misery. Our spirit man can lead us into a vibrant and joyful life. Most Christians are unaware of their spirit man. But this powerful part of us can mentor and coach each area of our souls into communion and harmony with Jesus Christ. Our spirit man and how he can help us is the subject of our next chapter. [1] My thanks to Richard Kinney for permitting me to expand and illustrate his teaching on resignation. [2] Any name referring to a client in this book is changed to an alias. [3] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/resentment. [4] See Hebrews 12:15. [5] You may also find plenty of unforgiveness, hatred, jealousy, envy, malice, etc. [6] Quoted from Troy Gramling website: https://troygramling.com/giving-bread/ [7] From a conversation I recorded with Richard Kinney, my co-worker at Firehouse Ministries, Inc.

This exercise/prayer is a practical application of Revelation 3:20 Audio File read by Gary Moelk "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me." In the Middle East in Jesus’ day and even until today when a person dines in the home of another, from that point on, either person can ask the other for anything, anything at all. After they eat or dine together in the home, they are considered linked together, like family. Jesus is offering to have this type of relationship with us where we can ask him for anything, and He can ask us for anything also. Do you want this type of relationship with Jesus? 1) Everyone has a door. It is the door to the heart. It is the door you open or close to let people in or keep people out. This is your door. No one can open or close your door except you. Not even Jesus can open or close your door. Only you can. Close your eyes and try to feel your door. Put your hand on this door when you can feel it. 2) Jesus is standing at your door and knocking and calling your name. Be very quiet and calm and listen with the ears of your heart and try to hear, or feel, Jesus knocking. Raise your hand when you can hear or feel him knocking. Don’t be in a hurry. He is there. Wait until you feel something. (If there is no response after a certain time, assure the person(s) that even if they can’t feel him he is there.) 3) Do you want to open the door or leave it closed? 4) Now open the door and raise your hand once the door is open. 5) What do you see or feel? 6) Now invite Jesus into the house and raise your hand once He has entered. 7) What do you want to say to him? Some possible responses might be: · Forgive me for …. · I am so glad you came, you are always welcome here · I love you, please come in 8) Now ask Jesus to sit down. If you have a table, have him sit together with you at the dinner table. Raise your hand when Jesus is seated. 9) What is your favorite dish is? Try to picture yourself eating this dish with Jesus, who is eating the same dish. It is actually Jesus who has prepared the dish for you. Raise your hand when you can see yourself dining at the table with Jesus. 10) Now that you have begun to eat, you can talk to Jesus. What do you want to tell him? Don’t ask for anything yet, just talk to him about what is on your mind and heart. Take your time. Jesus is NOT in a hurry. He wants to spend time with you. Raise your hand when you have finished talking with him about everything you had to say. 11) Now, talk to Jesus about what you want. Ask Him. You can ask Him for anything. Raise your hand when you have finished asking Him. 12) Now it is time to listen. Be very quiet and use the ears of your heart and listen to what he is saying to you. Raise your hand once you feel he has finished speaking with you. (If you, the facilitator, have heard something for person doing the exercise, offer now what you have heard.) Coaching Tips · Affirm the person in the love and acceptance of Jesus who came knocking and searching them out because he loves them. · If this is the first time this person has invited Jesus into their heart (you may need to ask if it is the 1st time) affirm the fact that God has heard all that they have said and that angels are now rejoicing in heaven because of what they have said and done today. · Let them know that this exercise is meant to be repeated often. Even if they have invited him in, they can continue to invite him in, it doesn’t mean that they didn’t do it right the first time. After all, this verse in Revelation was given to the church in particular. PDF of Exercise

Listen here to the audio of How to Control Your Atmosphere Spiritually by the Power of Christ

Here is an exercise to draw you into the peace of Christ. Listen here. Come and soak in God's river of peace as long as you like. Richard Kinney shares a vision God gave him to help a counselee come to peace. The end of the recording is left silent so you can continue your meditation without interruption. Listed below are verses about peace for meditation. Peace Verses John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. John 16:33 "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." John 20:21 So Jesus said to them again, " Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you." Romans 8:6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, Romans 12:18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Romans 14:17 For the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Romans 14:19 So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another. Romans 15:13 Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 16:20 The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you. 1 Corinthians 14:33 for God is not a God of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints. 2 Corinthians 13:11 Rejoice, be made complete, be comforted, be like-minded, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you. Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, Ephesians 2:14 For He Himself is our peace, who made both groups into one and broke down the barrier of the dividing wall, Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:9 The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. Colossians 3:15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. 1 Thessalonians 5:23 Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Thessalonians 3:16 Now may the Lord of peace Himself continually grant you peace in every circumstance The Lord be with you all! Hebrews 12:14 Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. Psalm 4:8 In peace I will both lie down and sleep, For You alone, O LORD, make me to dwell in safety. Psalm 29:11 The LORD will give strength to His people; The LORD will bless His people with peace. Psalm 34:14 Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it. Psalm 85:10 Lovingkindness and truth have met together; Righteousness and peace have kissed each other. Psalm 119:165 Those who love Your law have great peace, And nothing causes them to stumble. Proverbs 3:17 (Wisdom) Her ways are pleasant ways And all her paths are peace. Proverbs 12:20 Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil , But counselors of peace have joy. Proverbs 16:7 When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him. Ecclesiastes 3:8 A time to love and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace. Song of Solomon 8:10 "I was a wall, and my breasts were like towers; Then I became in his eyes as one who finds peace (brings contentment). Isaiah 9:6 For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; And the government will rest on His shoulders; And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:7 There will be no end to the increase of His government or of peace, On the throne of David and over his kingdom, To establish it and to uphold it with justice and righteousness From then on and forevermore The zeal of the LORD of hosts will accomplish this. Isaiah 26:3 "The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:12 LORD, You will establish peace for us, Since You have also performed for us all our works. Isaiah 27:5 "Or let him rely on My protection, Let him make peace with Me, Let him make peace with Me." Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness will be peace, And the service of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever. Isaiah 48:22 "There is no peace for the wicked," says the LORD. Isaiah 52:7 How lovely on the mountains Are the feet of him who brings good news, Who announces peace And brings good news of happiness, Who announces salvation, And says to Zion, "Your God reigns!" Isaiah 54:10 "For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, But My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, And My covenant of peace will not be shaken, "Says the LORD who has compassion on you. Isaiah 55:12 "For you will go out with joy And be led forth with peace; The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you, And all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Isaiah 57:19 Creating the praise of the lips Peace, peace to him who is far and to him who is near, "Says the LORD, "and I will heal him." Isaiah 66:12 For thus says the LORD, "Behold, I extend peace to her like a river, And the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream; And you will be nursed, you will be carried on the hip and fondled on the knees. PDF of Peace Verses.

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Here are some resources to aid you in your spiritual adventure with Christ. I have tried to list them in order of easy reading. I pray the Holy Spirit will show you your individual starting point. God Wants to be With You by Dr. Nancy Moelk Living from the Unseen: Reflections from a Transformed Life by Wendy C. Backlund Victorious Emotions: Creating a Framework for a Happier You by Wendy Backlund Practicing His Presence by Brother Lawrence and Frank Laubach Igniting Hope in 40 Days by Steve Backlund Declarations: Unlocking Your Future by Steve Backlund The Veil: An Invitation to the Unseen Realm by Blake Healy Profound Good: See God Through the Lens of His Love by Blake K. Healy The Invitation: Encounters to Help You Enter Christ’s Inner Sanctum The Invitation: Encounters to Help You Enter Christ’s Inner Sanctum by Micah Turnbo Healing the Wounded Soul: Break Free From the Pain of the Past and Live Again by Katie Souza Miracles Are Normal: Co-Creating Through Oneness with God by Virginia Killingsworth Operating in the Courts of Heaven (Revised and Expanded): Granting God the Legal Rights to Fulfill His Passion and Answer Our Prayers by Robert Henderson Receiving Generational Blessings from the Courts of Heaven: Cancel Bloodline Curses and Establish an Inheritance of Blessing by Robert Henderson Robert Henderson has written many books about the Courts of Heaven. Look up his name to find a list of all his titles. Dangerous Prayers from the Courts of Heaven that Destroy Evil Altars: Establishing the Legal Framework for Closing Demonic Entryways and Breaking Generational Chains of Darkness by Dr. Francis Myles Redeeming Your Bloodline: Foundations for Breaking Generational Curses from the Courts of Heaven by Hrvoje Sirovina Unlocking Destinies From the Courts of Heaven: Dissolving Curses That Delay and Deny Our Future by Robert Henderson Here are some biographies that will help you connect with the power and healing of heaven. God's Generals: Why They Succeeded and Why Some Fail by Roberts Liardon You can hunt down longer biographies on the people covered in this book. Supernatural - The Life of William Branham Volume 1 by Owen Jorgensen

Would you like to get better at prayer? Here are some insights from a great saint to help you move forward in this area of being with God. St. Teresa of Avila (1515-1582) practiced and wrote on a type of prayer known today as “contemplative prayer”. Contemplative prayer concentrates on what God is offering to us in our prayer time[i] instead of focusing on our words and activity towards God, St. Teresa explained the degrees of prayer in her autobiography entitled Life. St. Teresa says our soul is like a garden. There are four possible ways of watering our garden. These symbolize four ways of practicing/experiencing prayer. A Bucket The first degree of prayer requires the most effort on our part. We draw our own water from a well using a bucket and rope. St. Teresa says this type of prayer is certainly better than no prayer at all and the discipline of it does us much good. Reading and studying the Bible is also important. The first degree of prayer involves such practices as Vocal prayer, Bible reading, lists of requests, attempts at telling God how wonderful he is in long prayers or songs, etc. St. Teresa said we seek to impress God with our “long speeches." [ii] The benefits we reap are mostly from our own efforts. I know this level of prayer well having spent almost the first twenty years of my Christian life practicing it! exclusively. A Water Wheel The second level is less labor intensive on our part, it involves using a waterwheel. Waterwheels in St. Teresa's day were used to help move water closer to homes and fields so people would not have to carry it bucket by bucket. Here we begin to position ourselves to be receivers of whatever God would like to offer us. We "recollect" ourselves. This simply means we quiet our mind and heart before God and become mindful of His presence. Around 1995 I began to become interested in feeling God's presence. It was something new for me to rest and wait on God to give me something rather than putting all my efforts into "accomplishing" something for Him in my prayer time. Over the next five years, I gradually grew in being able to tolerate the sensation of God's manifest presence around me, although it was very mild. I was frightened by Him at first and the idea of someone, anyone, being so close to me was disturbing! Over time, I became more and more happy with God being close. A Flowing Stream The third degree of prayer brings in the water through irrigation: a running stream. There is no human effort involved. The soul has begun its sense that it no longer belongs to itself. This mystical experience begins an awareness of the union between God and the human soul that we have “in Christ.”. At this stage we don’t realize that our union with Christ is already complete, we are only waking up to that reality. To a greater degree than ever before, we are caught up in the person of God. At this stage, it is increasingly difficult to pull away from Him and take back control of our bodies and minds. Around the year 2000 I began meditating on Song of Songs. By 2005, I was having visions and supernatural experiences introducing me to the prayer of union. At times I could not open my eyes or move any part of my body while the presence of God overwhelmed me and left me caught up in His presence. I know others who also speak of such “Bridal Love” experiences. One person had a vision of being dressed as a bride, escorted down an aisle of a cathedral by God, the Father. Awaiting her at the altar was Jesus, the Son. Once she was given to the Groom by the Father, they turned to the altar and there stood the Holy Spirit, ready to perform the marriage vows. I don’t believe this vision was particular to the person who had it but refers to everyone. God woos us all to participate in a life lived together with Him in ever intensifying degrees. Hopefully for all of us, becoming His spouse is what the remainder of our lives will be about. We get to have the wonderful delight of bearing fruit in union with Him. Rain Falling rain symbolizes the fourth degree of prayer. It is a totally mystical moment not dependent on human effort at all. It is complete awareness of union where the person has been absorbed into the person of God and has no feeling of being alive apart from Him. St. Teresa had this intense, all-consuming experience of God. She had realized the mystery of the union with Christ (Ephesians 5:32) Whever we are in our prayer life; God is happy we turn our focus on him in prayer to whatever degree we pursue. He is always interested in drawing us further along into the awareness of our connection with him through Jesus Christ. [i] . It is "the effort the soul makes to withdraw from and forget everything created so as to allow itself to be penetrated by the divine action."[i] St. Teresa, Volume I, p. 23, Intro and quoting St. Teresa from chapter 20, no. 27 of her Life. [ii] Ibid,, Chap. 13.

https://static.wixstatic.com/mp3/fd53d6_0a381d10e24e40dcb3dcfb96401941fe.mp3 Gratitude and Stepping into Freedom from Pain by Richard Kinney Have you ever wondered why small children have so much joy and energy? It doesn't matter where in the world you go; small children all have this. Why did Jesus say "Least you become like a little child, you will in no wise enter the kingdom of heaven?" Is it possible that as we grow up that we have mishandled and misinterpreted some of the experiences that have come our way, until we have lost the joy and energy we came in with? What if God has designed us to be powerful--full of life and love? I believe he has and that we have lost our way in the darkness of this world. Recently God has shown me some tools to regain our natural state. These tools dovetail very nicely with the present-day, widespread movement of the Holy Spirit highlighting gratitude as a way of life and worship. In this class I will try to unpack what was shown to me as an important addition to the way that we counsel and live. I would like to talk to you about dilation and constriction, moving forward and insisting that all of life nourish us as opposed to withdrawing and hiding. The devil wants us to be constricted and in a state of reaction. When we are in a state of reaction we are caught and unable to act freely. God wants us to stay open, able to be free and to act. We are surrounded by the love of God and the power of God on all sides. He is everywhere equally present. Unlimited power and love surround us like an ocean. If we open it, it will flood in. If you have ever been to the dam at Niagara Falls and seen them open the flood gates, you'd be very happy not to be in front of the water that comes out. The water does not need to be coaxed or begged. It just comes through in a volume largely determined by how wide the gates are open. God's power and love are like that. When we open up to it, it comes in abundantly. This is not all there is to intimacy with God, but it is a really big piece of it. Most people believe that if they don't feel the love of God, or have the power of God working through them, that there is a "supply side" problem. God is holding out on us. He is stingy and mean--or there is not enough--or worse yet, he doesn't like us. All these are lies that cause us to back up and be constricted. To be constricted is to have the soul unhealthily compressed upon itself that does not allow the love and power of God to flow freely. If a woman is going to give birth to bring life into the world she much first dilate. In order for us to allow the power of God and the love of God to move through us freely, we must heal these constricted areas in our soul and come into a healthy and normal state of dilation where the power and love of God will move through us freely. Here are some things in life that we encounter that cause our souls to constrict: pain, unfair treatment, fear, anger, hatred, guilt, blame, bad self-image, unresolved loss. Here are some things that cause our souls to dilate: love, joy, forgiveness, good self-image, peace, companionship, plenty. Think of someone you love for a few moments and see how you feel. You'll feel your heart open, your body relax, and a sense of warmth and well-being move through you. As a Christian, our lives are moving in a straight line from the moment of salvation towards heaven. As pilgrims here on earth, we live a nomadic life in this world. We need to stay open to the power and love that will allow us to represent Christ on our journey. To illustrate this, there is a fuse used to detonate explosives called "det cord". It is used by special forces and SWAT teams. It burns very rapidly and is really a series of small explosions. It's sticky like putty. You can put it on a closed and locked steel door and set it off and it will cut right through the steel and will create any shaped opening you want. Try for a moment to see your life as a series of positive and negative explosions moving very rapidly in a straight line, making up the whole of your life. This class is an instruction on one way of opening and maintaining this cord of life in a dilated and healed state that will allow God to easily move through us. We will learn to digest the best of our experiences with gratitude and thanksgiving and to move forcefully into the areas of pain and trauma--learning to re-open the "cave-ins" of our life; and healing and getting nourishment from them. We'll start with how to handle the heart-breaking moments of loss and sorrow that come into our lives. If a really big moment of loss or even of good comes into our lives, the soul must process it or digest it so we can go on in a healthy way in our lives. We see this by people obsessing over an event or person who hurt them or even a lost love they can't let go of. These unprocessed and undigested experiences are stored in the soul much like the body stores food it can't process by setting it aside in fatty tissues. Post traumatic stress syndrome is an extreme example of this. Our natural inclination towards pain is to hide from it, pretend it does not hurt, or feel that nothing can be done about it and just try to "suck it up" and go on. This leaves us blocked and in reaction whether we know it or not. The way I suggest dealing with these painful and traumatic occurrences is illustrated by the martial arts practice which is " Wu Wei ". This is using our enemy’s strength against him. I call this same process in an emotional and counseling sense "coming in the opposite spirit." Let's have a marshal art lesson to demonstrate the principle of Wu Wei (pronounced wee way). A 130-pound woman has been grabbed by a 200 pound man by her wrists. She pulls away from him with all her strength. He pulls back with his greater strength. She will not be able to break free from his grasp in this manner. What should she do? She needs to use his strength against him. First, she pulls back as hard as she can, forcing him to pull on her wrists harder. Then she steps in towards him and pushes off her back foot, letting him pull her towards him violently. Her hands are outstretched where she strikes him in the upper chest or throat knocking him back and down as she twists her wrists free from his grip by pulling out where they are grasped by his thumb and forefinger. Then she may run away or attack as she sees fit. It is by moving towards the larger opponent that she gains freedom and mastery of that opponent. In the same way, as we go back over our life into an old wound or painful circumstance that is constricting our soul, it is by stepping directly into it and not away from it and insisting that we get nourishment from it that we gain our freedom and return to a natural state of dilation and openness to God. What we need to do is to ask Jesus to hold our hand and step with us directly into the pain and say, "Jesus, this really hurts. Stay here with me and make it bearable until we pass through the pain and gain nourishment from it." What was a "stumbling block" and constrictor of our soul becomes a stepping stone of pain and trauma successfully faced and mastered. As these wounded areas in your soul are systematically opened up and restored to health, the natural flow of God's power and love will start to move through you powerfully. This flow will bring about even further healing and return you to your natural states of joy, energy and power. Our deepest held beliefs are our prayers. If we believe in a positive world with a God who cherishes and loves us just the way we are, we will tend to draw more blessing and positive experience by the action of that belief as a positive prayer. If we believe we are oppressed and unloved and unappreciated, those beliefs will draw those experiences to us. Our deepest held beliefs naturally reinforce themselves. And we will have objective proof that the lies that we believe are true. This is a cause of the failure of many of our prayers of petition to be answered. For example, a man at a job wants a promotion and prays for one. However, his deepest held belief is that he is not the kind of person who is positively noticed and not really "good material" for promotion and blessing. So his prayer goes unanswered. We have seen many times in our counseling practice, that when someone changes their deepest held negative core belief --such as, no one notices me or really enjoys my company--all of a sudden, they begin to have make friends and get promotions at work. Gratitude Gratitude for the joyful and good things that come into our lives help us to digest them and get the good out of them. Wrongly held, even good things can constrict us, as we hold them in an undigested state, as a high point that we may never achieve again. Here are some examples: A first love that we never married; being a high school football star; having a high paying job that we loved and lost; having been very strong and athletic and losing our health. If we hold these without gratitude, they can constrict our soul. Let me give you an example of a counselee of mine's life experience that started me on the seeking that led to this class. A seven-year marriage that began when she was twenty had some wonderful high points of love and romance during their first five years. In the final two years the same good experiences were happening, but the husband became very jealous, and his insecurity and jealousy ruined a truly beautiful marriage with a completely devoted wife. The wife, broken-hearted, interpreted the whole seven years of the marriage as loss--a high point in her life that she would never reach again. At age fifty, her deepest held beliefs had come true with two more very bad marriages behind her. What we did to help her was to go back with deep gratitude and thankfulness for the first five years of the marriage and interpreted that time as one of great blessing--restoring that area of her soul to its natural state of dilation. What we did with the final two years of the marriage was to ask Jesus to enter into it with us into the deep pain and loss until she came out the other side, having been nourished by the experience. She came away a stronger person strengthened by successfully facing her pain and having her soul restored in that process .Her deepest held belief changed to being optimistic and being that she could, with Jesus help, face the good and bad that comes to all of us thereby setting herself up for success in future life. Here is another example. A counselee who had a very abusive mother and truly painful childhood, had the blessing of her mother marrying a truly lovely man who became like a stepfather from heaven to her loving and adoring the child. After eight years of a father figure that most people would give anything for, he died unexpectedly of a heart attack. She was devastated. She counted all eight years as loss, setting herself up for more loss and hurt in the future. Many of us do this. What we need to do is to develop a habit of gratitude and go back to the areas of our life that blessed us. And take them in and digest them through thanksgiving and gratitude. We did this with this counselee, and she got the good and the nourishment of her wonderful step-father. By stepping into her pain with Jesus at her side, she found release and nourishment in that part of her soul. She also released the terrible loss of his sudden death., she also released. She became much livelier and more open to God--better able to live a life of joy and success. Since all things are contained in God in whom we live and move and have our being, whenever we are grateful for any part of creation, we give praise and worship to the creator. So, as we live, we digest and get good from life by the act of gratitude which connects us to God and becomes an act of worship. We need to go over our lives and see if we are holding some of things that happened to us in an undigested or constricted state and revisit them with the Lord so that we can get good from our positive as well as our negative circumstances. As an example, as a child I was abandoned by both parents and was beaten by my grandpa. Things were not good for me. But during that time, my grandma would read to me from the classics--Huckleberry Finn, King Arthur, Robin Hood. These are very large books with very big words. It created in me a life-long love of language and literature which has served me very well in my adult life. She was also a fabulous cook. Every day there was wonderful food from her kitchen. I love food and cooking and spent twenty years very happily as a caterer. Cooking is one way that I have learned to express love towards friends and family. Even in the dark times of my life, there have been some really good things. By going back and being grateful for these things we restore dilation and the natural movement of God's power through our soul. We should not, however, use this to gloss over the pain and sorrow of these times but to step into them with Jesus, as I have described to you earlier. This is a very good way to live. I am a Christian counselor and I have observed that most Christian counseling has been guilty of being overly problem and trauma centered. Very little has been done in the extremely important area of gratitude and making sure that the counselee gets the good from their past as well as resolves the pain of trauma. Both pieces of the puzzle are necessary for a healthy life of ongoing gratitude and stepping in boldly to pain and problems--past and yet to be faced. In both cases, using the approach of stepping in and gratitude, will bring a balanced healing and a healthy lifestyle for ourselves and for anyone counseled in this way. We will, through these approaches, reinterpret our lives; thereby setting ourselves up for success and for a greater number of good experiences to enter into our lives.

These four talks by Dr. Nancy Moelk were given as a parenting class in 2002. Here is a brief excerpt: "Is it possible to have great love for your children but that love is not being received very well by them? Even though we love our children with great intensity, that love does not always get communicated to our children in a way they can receive. Our idea of how to love may not be in a language that the child understands." What are the four ways to communicate love in a way that the love you have will truly touch the child? •Loving Eye Contact •Loving Voice •Undivided Attention •Non-Sexual Touch You can use these teachings and materials as classes to help yourself or for a parent class. Here are more resources on these classes if you want to use them for study. (See also this article for more insight on child raising.)

Notes on Song of Songs By Dr. Nancy Moelk Thus, I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment. Song of Songs 8:10b (NIV) Song of songs has been loved by Christians through the ages. Generation after generation has recognized the mystical nature of this love poem. Even if we don’t totally understand it, reciting the verses and meditating upon them can move us into a tactile experience of God’s presence. Its content is not meant to cater to our intellect or Western modes of linear thinking. In the late 1990’s I was visiting a friend and found a book about worship called “Glory” by Ruth Heflin Ward. Something she said caught my attention and started me on a journey of experiencing the Song of Songs over the next decade. The Greek idea of knowing is acquiring information where the Hebrew concept of knowing is to become one with something so that you are no longer the same. Ruth suggested ignoring the designations of “Beloved” and “Lover” which are marked in most translations. She encouraged letting all the declarations of love be applicable to both God saying it to us and us saying it back to Him. The first time I experienced this reciprocity was concerning verse 8:10b (NIV). “Thus, I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment.” I kept hearing that verse over and over in my head. Finally, I asked God to show me what it meant. I realized He was speaking to my deepest heart about His view of me: I bring Him contentment. What a concept! I didn’t really understand it fully until my first grandchild was born in 2006.   The love I felt for Tara Faith Ireland, my first grandchild, was beyond my understanding. I happily held her in my arms, just gazing at her. I experienced joy and contentment that was inexplicable. One day, as I was enjoying looking at Tara while she was doing absolutely nothing, I clearly heard God whispering over my shoulder, “This is how I feel about you!” Like all infants, Tara was unproductive, helpless and needy.  But that in no way deterred my intense fondness for her. I was simply happy, content, satisfied—because she was alive—no other purpose or reason was necessary. I delighted in her every breath and enjoyed the smallest accomplishments. She could offer me nothing. And I didn’t need her to do anything. I surrendered myself to this startling picture of how God viewed me, felt about me, experienced me. It humbled me and honored me. It made me fall in love with Him even more. This unconditional love of God for me needs to conquer my entire soul. A process which will go on until I see Him face-to-face in eternity. The fact that I bringHim contentment is a parental type of love. As a child we are meant to be the one who receives most of the time in a relationship with our parent. A more mature love, like that of a romantic relationship introduces a willingness to give oneself and sacrifice. We become open to allowing the love of our life to fill in the gaps of where we are needy or wanting. Years later, in February 2011, Gary called to say his job had been terminated. Several years before, he had lost another job and was unemployed for almost a year. The bad memories and difficulties of that year rose within me. “Not again,” I mumbled. I was driving in my car and suddenly felt the presence of the Lord with me. I heard Him say, “Can you smile at me? I am still with you. Would you allow me in this moment to bring you contentment?” Could I love Him without conditions? Could I be content even if the events of life swept the opposite way than what I wanted? If my husband wasn’t the one they kept in the company buyout? If I or my loved one wasn’t healed? If this or that problem wasn’t resolved to my satisfaction? Could I venture to throw my lot in with Him without playing it safe and guarding my own self-interest? Could I trust in Him will all my heart and not lean to my own understanding? These questions and the answers of my heart will continue going forward. As I keep surrendering to the love between us, even these questions will get lost in an eternal love affair where the ending of the story never comes but is always known to be good. So, Song of Songs is a treasure trove of such verses which we can use back and forth with our Divine Lover/Parent/Spouse. If we free this mystical love poem from the confines of exegesis and linear western interpretation, we can engage its Author in a wonderous living dialogue. O, Holy Spirit, come and teach this love to my heart. Let me know the Celestial Lover as His Beloved and let me become, with Your help, a lover of the One who is my Beloved. Let me come to offer each verse from the innermost being of myself and to receive each verse from the Depths of His Heart. *******   “Dark am I, but lovely…” Song of Songs 1:5 Early on in my meditation of Song of Songs, I would avoid verses and passages like this one. It seemed like an admission of “wrongness”. “My own vineyard I have neglected.” (1:6) My own filter of shame highlighted the flaws, the darkness of my soul, the mistakes and poor choices. Surely with all these flaws, I could not still be “lovely.” This shame filter in me came from a “performance” orientation. My worth rested on a barometer of “rightness” or success. Any suggestion highlighting my flaws produced a feeling of unease at best and a piercing shame at worst. Both of these were often accompanied by an automatic defensive attitude. Could I actually be lovely at the same time I was so “wrong”? God had to teach me that perfectionism and idealism are the twin mothers of misery. They set us up for constant disappointment, dissatisfaction, anxiety and ultimately, over the long haul, for bitterness. I had to be wooed out of my damming perspective and into His. How, O Lord, can you get past my flaws to see me as lovely? Obviously, there was a serious discrepancy between my standards and His. Yes, Jesus died for my sins. But does that absolve me of my responsibility to look like someone who deserved such intervention? His extreme act of sacrifice at the cross would, at times, leave me feeling further estranged. My lack of devotion and commitment in response to His love left me wanting to hide. Finally, I gave up my quest to be enough. Good enough. Strong enough. Pure enough. Loving enough. I can never be Him. But I can welcome all the gift of Himself He wished to give me in Union with Him. He has enough goodness, strength, purity, love, etc. to share with me. And when I don’t do well in receiving it or using it, He still wants to be with me! I had to let go of my expectation of saving myself by good works and internal excellence. Whether we see ourselves as flawed on the inside or on the outside, He is comfortable with us as we are. We may look unusual, we may be rough or coarse, unpolished. We may not fit the idea of what others think we should be. But He knows us and sees us and welcomes us to come as we are. I have counseled Christians for close to 30 years. Rarely do I meet one who seems to have embraced even remotely how God joys over them, even though they are flawed. Take a deep breath and repeat after me, “I am flawed by lovely.” I raised four children and have changed over a thousand diapers. Never once did I confuse the precious, lovely baby with the mess in the diaper. When He looks at us, He sees His creation and a deep resounding Voice echoes from with Him, “You are good.” The bottom line is that we are not in charge of who loves us (true love) and how. As soon as we try to manipulate others to love us by our own performance, we have created an environment where we can never receive true love. If we have “been forced to work in the vineyards” of relationships, it is time to stop considering ourselves in light of what we can earn. Love comes to us as an unprovoked gift. We surrender to love. We open our hearts to the free will sacrifice of self  offered by another. ******* How right they are to adore you! Song of Songs 1:4c Here on earth, we can’t easily see ourselves or anything else as it truly is. We especially can’t see God as He is. The Bible provides us with accounts of people, angels, creatures and beings who see Him in much closer proximity than us. We are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses—saints who have lived here on earth, died to this world, and now behold God in His unveiled majesty. Angels behold the face of God. All of heaven is very near to us but in another dimension. The four living creatures mentioned in the Revelation of John, Chapter 4 are caught up in His glory, crying, “Holy, holy, holy.” They cried out to John, and they still cry out to us, “Come up here!”. The eyes that cover their bodies have spent eons of untold gazing at the One who sits on the throne. Let us ask to look into their eyes so we can see the beauty and majesty and wonder of our God. The heavenly host are part of the King’s entourage. They glitter and shine with His blinding brightness. When we connect with God’s presence (which is everywhere) it is a matter of connecting with what is already present around u and in us. We seek and we find the treasure of His Essence if we keep asking, seeking and knocking for it. Because the Kingdom of God is within us, heaven and earth are meant to co-exist and mingle within us. Each one of us is a portal of heaven. Whether you know it or not, you have living waters flowing from deep within your being. Are you willing to have Jesus open up all the gateways within you so you leak all over your life? Or are you dammed up by trauma, denial, negative emotions and fears? Prepare the way of the Lord, a highway in the desert for our God. The Kingdom of God has been put within us by the Holy Spirit. Now He wants to express Himself through us into every aspect of our earthy existence. I have read the Bible for over 40 years. I used to memorize verses about the nature and character of God. But now, when I think about what He is like, it leads me into an encounter with a Person. I become captivated by His kindness, beauty, goodness, mercy, patience, justice, majesty, holiness, etc. How right they are to adore you!! Ask that you would come and know Him as He truly is. I know I had so many misconceptions about Him and surely still do. I believed He was like my parents, or like me, or like other authority figures. Abusive, self-serving, petty, incompetent. Getting those false beliefs out in the open took time and was painful, at times. But waiting at the end of every lie renounced is the One who rightly is adored. Be washed in His nature and let every pore of your being soak up His perfection. “But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.” ******* Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth. Song of Songs 1:1a   What an invitation! There is a sweet surrender here to God desiring us and enjoying us and wanting to lavish His love upon us. The King, in His excellence and beauty and power is captured by the peasant girl! This verse never fails to lift me right into God’s presence. It is a daring invitation to a person of no rank or nobility into the intimate space of the King of Kings. With this I throw away my shame and self-consciousness at being “inappropriate” in any way. I come boldly before the throne of grace, based on His love for me which has been sealed in blood. I won’t resist His decision to focus His great affection on me. “Let him kiss me. . .” I no sooner say these words and the warmth and weight of His presence comes upon me. I start to feel His presence kissing my cells with His glory—the aura of His Essence. For many years I was a Christian who never felt His presence. After my initial moments of repentance, it was a dry, dry faith walk. Often the Christian who never feels the manifest Presence of God may have beliefs that demote feelings and the imagination as stepchildren of the soul. They view these aspects of their personality with disdain or suspicion. God has an imagination. For example, He thought up each one of use, a unique person in a sea of billions. I was such an  “anti-feeling” Christian: My stance was that Jesus fixed me at salvation, by the “complete” work of the cross. Now it was up to me to walk out of that victory and change the world! I gutted out seven years in the mission field with that theology. My last year in Morocco, I had a nervous breakdown and spent three years heavily medicated and hopeless. Desperation is a great persuader. It helped me to become open to considering I may have had a few faulty expectations about myself and about God. The complete work of the cross is from God’s perspective. We never have to earn anything from Him. The bill is paid in full. And yet the process of our becoming yielded to His life by the Holy Spirit within us is a life long journey. Letting Him know the inner most parts of us is good. We don’t want to engage in missions, ministry, and others works only to have Him say to us, “I never knew you. Depart from me.” So, let Him kiss me and welcome me, all of me, into His Essence. Say “yes” to the Divine Invitation. ******* Who is this coming up from the desert leaning on her lover? Who is this coming up from the wilderness like a column of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and incense made from all the spices of the merchant? Look! It is Solomon’s carriage, escorted by sixty warriors, the noblest of Israel, Song of Songs 8:5-7   Who is this coming up from the desert leaning on her lover? We lived in Marrakech, Morocco near the edge of the Sahara desert for three years. During those years, there was a drought, and it only rained three times. It brought the desert even closer to us. The desert is a place of barrenness that opens the possibility of raw truth to emerge without distractions, without cloudy vision. We can pass through other types of deserts: deserts of depression, poverty, loneliness, isolation, bitterness, physical pain, trauma, rejection, hopelessness, etc. Deserts leave you without the usual resources for “making things right.” Scarcity, sparseness, life on the edge: survival is questionable. The desert strips you down to the bare essentials. Just me and what I carry: outside provisions are basically non-existent. The desert is a place of focus. A stillness and lack of “status quo” present an environment where transformation can take place. I become naked in the desert. My own resources become undone. And that’s when I am ready to meet my lover. And, oh, what a lover He is. His experience in the desert is quite different than mine. Who is this coming up from the wilderness like a column of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and incense made from all the spices of the merchant? Look! It is Solomon’s carriage, escorted by sixty warriors, the noblest of Israel,   He is in the desert too, but He is equipped to the max. If you read the entire passage of Chapter 4:6-10, you find He carries provision, comfort, luxury, romance, beauty, protection and more. He is married to us and comes rejoicing, ready for a mystical union in the desert. The combination of my nakedness in the desert and His bountiful Presence creates a perfect match which is truly like what happens when it rains in the desert and all the dry seeds of its true potential spring into life and fruitfulness. Like the desert transformed into an unrecognizable garden by the gush of waters, we become different by our encounter with Him. To the point where others say in wonder, “Who is this coming up from the desert leaning on her lover? I don’t know who she is? I have never seen her before! She doesn’t look like the person I used to know.” ******* Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Song of Songs 2:7 and 8:4 God is interested in engaging us in a relationship with Him that involves three different roles. Child to parent, lover to beloved and spouse to spouse. After our adoption into His family, we need extensive “reprogramming” to learn what His parenting is like. Over time, our hidden, false beliefs about Him, ourselves and others are brought to the surface and replaced by truth implanted by love. Though we continue to grow in knowing His unconditional love as His child, at some point we become His fiancé. Now more is expected of us and we are lured away from other “loves” and asked to dedicate ourselves to Him above all else. As we pursue this more mature relationship with God, we are eventually made to be His spouse. Our union becomes a source of fruitfulness and together we create a culture throughout all our “territory” that reflects the Kingdom of God. The one simple key to this ongoing journey with God is this: it has to be real. Our hearts must be available for this journey. Talk is cheap. Bible study can be a “head fest”. Church attendance, tithing, even evangelical and social service can be perfunctory acts done to establish self-esteem. God is searching for the desire of our hearts. He has poured His own desire out to the point of death. That is how much He longed to be with us forever. Now He looks for our response. The child is meant to be a little receiver: happy, safe and un-self-conscious about taking and taking from the loving parent. The child, open to relationship and humble, accepts that he/she is vulnerable, needy, unproductive and greatly in need of training. She learns and grows through relationship. The parent mirrors the child’s reflection back to her. She begins to see herself and her world through His eyes. This is the soil, sun and water, that nourishes the tree and gives it a chance to eventually bear good fruit. At some point, the tree is ready for pruning and the winter season. Chill hours (below freezing) are needed during winter to bring tasty fruit in the spring. Pruning forces resources to be directed to certain areas of focus and prevents a watering down of effectiveness. As fruit grows, it will one day be available to be offered to another. The heart begins to desire to focus on someone other than ourselves. In fact, increasingly, there is a movement toward wanting to give away ourselves to another. At first it may be in selfish pursuit of gratifying our own needs and wants, but true love eventually shows itself in the overwhelming desire for the happiness, fulfillment and pleasure in our beloved. The fiancé is learning about love and how to give herself to another. Gradually she grows in unconditional love and union with the Ultimate Lover of the Universe. The spousal stage has begun. We can soon have a grand harvest where the Kingdom of God is increasingly taking over all that we touch or are involved in. His kingdom culture permeates our earthy household: our families, our work, our community, etc.  Our territory becomes His territory. This quote from Richard Rohr: Divine Lover: “Where did your heart go? When did you lose track of your longings so that they no longer walk together with your steps? Human Lover: “I didn’t know I lost my heart. I just kept stumbling forward. But I felt strangely empty.” Divine Lover: “We must go find your heart together. You’re right. It is empty to live without deep connection to it.” Human Lover: “I’m afraid.” Divine Lover: “Fear not, I am with you.” Human Lover: “Help me go there. I have lost my way.” Divine Lover: “Show me where you trusted long ago, where you hoped, where you dared to love.” Human Lover: “I have forgotten the faces and places but now I remember the pain and the bitter taste in my mouth.” Divine Lover: “You showed your face to those who could not see you. You bared your heart, and no one embraced you.” Human Lover: “Do you, my love, know such pain of rejection?” Divine Lover: “I know this well. Come and own it with me and we will walk together to a new place. My face will see you and my bared heart will surround yours. And we will be one.” Human Lover: “You have made my worst deserts like a well-watered garden.” ******* My beloved spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Song of Songs 2:10-11 No matter where I am in life, He comes and meets me there. In sin, in pleasure, in hiding, in error, lost, confused or broken. He seeks me out with great celestial energy. He often comes to me as my life. He pursues me, into every area of my being. He comes knocking on my door. All of me is of interest to Him. “MINE” He says. “Arise.” Wherever I am, He bids me to leave that place with Him and move one. Any pain from relinquishment is overshadowed by the wealth and adventure of what is ahead. I am leaving something behind I can’t keep in order to gain something I will never lose. Higher up and further in! Never alone. Our Divine Companion invites us, those who are flawed and inappropriate but lovely. He calls us His darling and beautiful one. He invites us. “Come with me.” When He shows up, the season of singing has come and the winter has past. Nothing has to be the same if we are willing to leave our resting place. Often where we see ourselves being in a homestead instead of a temporary shelter on the way to our true home. “O lovely one, beautiful one.” He says to us, we are His. In His eyes we are worth temporarily abandoning the perfection of heaven to rescue us from isolation and hopelessness. As He methodically works with us to free us from all that blocks our identity and destiny, He honors us as one worth waiting for. ******* Listen! My beloved! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills. Song of Songs 2:8 He joyfully surmounts great barriers to get to us. He seeks us out. He offers a new vision of who we are. He calls forth our beauty and innate loveliness. We need only resolve to go with Him and leave behind every self-perception and falsity we have ever embraced about ourselves, our lives and Him.

David was a very passionate person. He had big desires, a big heart and big expectations. He recklessly trusted God to protect him and prevail. He danced before the Lord with all of his might. He wanted 24 hour worship so anytime day or night he could hang out with God. But being in touch with his desires also got him into serious sin and trouble. Murder and adultery and testing the Lord by having the army counted. Yet he was considered a “man after God’s own heart” (1 Sam. 13:14). David was in touch with himself and his desires, to say the least. It gave God opportunity to work with him and develop him. David wrestled with God and God didn’t mind the struggle at all! It brought changes in David and put him increasingly on a path drawing him to God. Jesus found it easier to work with people who were more connected to their desires: prostitutes and tax collectors. He struggled to connect with those who were in denial about having desires such as the seriously religious folk. Jesus wasn’t afraid of sin and sinners. He was troubled by hard hearts that sought to hide their deepest desires from him and themselves. Too often the answer for wrong desires is to try and annihilate that part of the person that has wrong desires. One thing I have observed in many years of counseling people is that someone who is sexually abused has similar symptoms as someone whose sexuality was ignored and treated as if it didn’t exist. It is interesting how these two opposite woundings, one of abuse and the other of neglect, can have such a resemblance. God created people to have desires. God created people to be sexual. There must be some valid way of being those things or He would have never made us that way. Plus this is a way we are made in His image. He has desires and the fact that He wants to bond and be “one” with His people (see Eph. 5:32) is obviously the characteristic in Him that we resemble by longing to be “one” with another in sex. Ps. 38 was written by David when he was in the throes of difficulty. He had sinned and now he was recognizing that his desires had led him astray (once again?). So, the psalm gives a great illustration of someone wrestling with their desires before God and looking to have them reoriented towards God, the only One who can truly satisfy. Psalm 38  (NKJV) O Lord, do not rebuke me in Your wrath, Nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure! 2 For Your arrows pierce me deeply, And Your hand presses me down. 3 There is no soundness in my flesh Because of Your anger, Nor any health in my bones Because of my sin. David recognizes his desires have drawn him down a path away from God and into looking for fulfillment in something that doesn’t satisfy. 8  I am feeble and severely broken; I groan because of the turmoil of my heart. He is now in a broken state, and he has no peace. 9  Lord, all my desire is before You; And my sighing is not hidden from You. David is being totally honest with God. He is showing God this part of his heart that got him into trouble. He is laying these desires out before God and letting him know how much he longed for and hoped for satisfaction. 15  For in You, O Lord, I hope; You will hear, O Lord my God. 21  Do not forsake me, O  Lord; O my God, be not far from me!22 Make haste to help me,O Lord, my salvation! David is turning his heart towards God and beginning to hope in Him. He is using his desires to come towards God now and get into orbit around God. This will extricate him in time from the power of the other thing that had him in its power. Pursuing our desires in ways that are contrary to God’s will won’t leave us happy and satisfied in the long term. Ultimately it will bankrupt our souls where we settle for a momentary pleasure at the cost of our over-all well-being. Many people have had to wrestle with that part of their soul to get it back into God’s orbit and then taste and see what God has to offer to fulfill them. On the other hand, others have never allowed their heart to utter the words: “this is what I want” or “this is what I desire” openly. They can’t admit it to themselves, much less to God. Their souls are seriously undeveloped and unopened to self, others and God. Their lives are shallow and sterile. To have fruit there must be union. For there to be union, there must be a knowing and offering of self. God seems willing to accept us right where we are. What if our desires are twisted and hung into am orbit of destructive things? He will meet us there and help us get free. What is we are shut down and afraid of ever admitting we have desires and needs? He will meet us there and help us to look for the real self, find it and develop it. His goal is to win our hearts so we want Him, we desire Him. We all are forces of nature who have our own gravity: we draw people and situations to ourselves to reflect our deepest held beliefs. Our deepest beliefs are our most powerful prayer. We draw people, situations, and things to ourselves by it. It’s our gravity. As we align to God and get into His orbit, it changes our gravity. People will increasingly be drawn into our orbit by His pull. This will bless or offend them depending on which way they want to go, towards or away from Him. Everyone is born with the desire to give and receive love, for relationship and connection. Without it, an infant will die. But because we have the Divine design inside of us, there is a hunger for Him. He is the ultimate magnet that exerts a drawing force on us all. As we progress through life, our desires get sounded out and developed. Finding out what we want is meant to be an interesting and fascinating journey. Using our free will, we grow in knowing ourselves and discovering what we like and don’t like, what we want and don’t want. But that process can be fraught with difficulties and wrong turns. There can be many dead ends of pursing our desires and finding out that particular thing doesn’t satisfy. And then we are on to something else. The relationship between an infant and its mother is a fascinating illustration of gravity. The mother longs for the infant and desires to draw the baby to herself. But she allows herself to be affected by the gravity of the baby as well. The infant cries out for the mother or care-giver in a frantic hope to draw her to herself. Her survival depends on it. Later, the baby seeks to engage others and draw them to her by catching their eyes and smiling at them in mini-connections. The baby is orbiting around the mother but in some ways the mother is orbiting around the baby! Before sin entered the world we were meant to be full of God and others were meant to be full of God. When people desired us they would get some God. When we desired others we would get some God. Instead, nobody automatically offers God and no one automatically gets God. Suppose an infant has basic needs met to the point that she survives but her deep desire that someone wants to be with her is never fulfilled. She will continue to experience this desire as unmet but will begin to find other ways of trying to meet it. She may become an experienced people pleaser, or someone who strives always to be perfect. She can give up hope of ever succeeding in getting this desire met and begin to pretend she has no desires. As life goes on, she may try many different avenues to get what she wants—to draw it to herself. She may orbit around many idols. Whoever she is connected to in the way of relationships will be affected by her ways of trying to get that need met. Desire is a fundamental part of a person's soul that is with him always. The fact that he possesses this quality is because he is made in God’s image and God has desires. God desired to create the heavens and earth. He wanted to create a special piece of it to have fellowship and relationship with. He longed for people to want him with their ability to desire so He gave them free will. Jesus exhibited desires while He lived here. He desired to be about His Father’s business at 12 years old. He desired so much to win back companions for eternity that He was willing to suffer and die to make it happen (see Romans 12:2). It is quite moving to hear Him tell His disciples in Luke 22:15, “I have fervently desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer.” We can never grasp all this meant to Him. He was facing a horrible trauma at the same time He was focusing on how that decision would get for Him the thing He most desired: humanity—humanity to be with Him forever, forgiven and able to share His light, life and love! A bride to come into communion with Him. of us has our own type of gravity. Gravity is a stabilizing force in the universe that keeps things in place and in relationship to one another. Gravity is created by PRESENCE. Anything that has mass has its own gravity, us included. So, the earth’s gravity affects us but so does that of the people and things around us. We are captivated by earth’s gravity, but the earth is captivated by the sun’s gravity and the sun is captivated by our galaxy’s gravity which is held by greater galaxies. You get the picture.  Everything that has mass in the universe has its own gravity. Gravity is very much like desire. Everybody wants to draw things to themselves, and everybody is affected by what others around them want. If we get free from one thing that is “holding” us by its gravity, then we are free to move into orbit around something else! There are two main ways we can be drawn in this matter. Towards God or away from Him. Jesus said, “If I be lifted up, I will draw all men to myself.” (John 12:32) He knew that when His body died it would create a fundamental change in the universe where now His gravitational force would become compelling and ultimate. Everything would end up before Him eventually, for better or worse. In the meantime, we have a journey through life of the evolution of our desires. Will the path lead us to Him or away from Him? What is the evolution of our desires and how can they end up being fulfilled by the “Desire of the Nations”? Spend time with God asking Him to put you in orbit around Him more and more.

Click here to listen to the list. Which of these statements mostly describe your time spent communing and communicating with God (namely the Father, the Son and/or the Holy Spirit)? There isn’t any grading for this quiz but it is meant to help you see the range of possibilities. God is delighted with any focus and effort you put towards him! 1. Occasional “hail Mary” prayers when you can’t find any other solution. 2. A “honey-do” list of things you need God to accomplish for you to be happy, safe, and healthy. 3. A desperate catalog of all things in life you feel you need but don’t have. 4. Micromanaging of your family, friends, church, enemies, etc. 5. Vigorous soul wrestling with your own thoughts, feelings or will. 6. Vigorous soul wrestling with demons. 7. Reading the Bible. 8. Thanking God for what you have. 9. Thanking God for all that He will provide in the future. 10.Waiting on God to speak to you. 11.Listening to God’s voice. 12.Trying to find out what God’s will may be for various situations. 13.Ignoring your thoughts and focusing on your heart loving on God as a Person in your life who means so much to you. 14.Connecting to and soaking up the Presence of God that flows out of your “Oneness” with Christ. 15.Enjoying that God wants to be with you and approves of you even in your worst moments. 16.Sitting on God’s lap and resting. 17.Speaking with God through the day as your best friend. 18.Enjoying your friendship with God. 19.Seeking to find out how God sees you and your life in the hopes of agreeing with His version of you rather than the worlds. 20. Asking God to send angels to accomplish His will in various people’s lives and various situations. 21.Appropriating the fact, you are seated in the heavenly places with Christ and using that authority to declare God’s will and change things on earth. 22.Seeking God to make null and void (by the blood of Jesus) anything being used to deny you and your territory (family, job, finances, health, etc.) all that God has ordained is yours by the fact you are his beloved child and meant to be an heir of the riches of Christ. This is done in the courts of heaven. Consider incorporating some of the ideas on this list into your prayer times with God. Consider seeking God to enlarge your relationship with Him by teaching you the best ways for you to engage Him in prayer. Jesus still wants to teach His disciples how to pray! PDF of Prayer Life Quiz