How Can a Christian Maturely Express Anger? By Dr. Nancy Moelk Audio How do I handle angry feelings in life? Are they always a sin? Are they ever helpful or effective? What if I feel guilty or distressed when I express any anger? Or what if I “loose it” and go into rages that are destructive to myself and those around me? How about if I don’t seem to have any anger and can’t even identify any times when I express it? These are some of the questions we want to answer here. First, if we believe in God and that we are made in His image, we know He lives in us and we have access to His nature. So what kind of anger does God portray?[1] What kinds of things made God angry in the Old Testament? And Jesus in the New Testament. (This does not negate His mercy and forgiveness but, instead, accentuates forgiveness and resolution as a process and not a mental gym trick). Here is a short list: 1. When those who were supposed to love Him, betrayed Him and forgot Him. 2. When He offered Himself in relationship and was rejected. 3. When people pretended to be for Him but were only interested in using Him. 4. When religious people acted like the most important thing in life was image and performance while neglecting a real heart connection and truth in relationship. 5. When people pretended to be serving others but were in fact using them and manipulating them. Even though God does forgive those who want to be reconciled to Him, He still showed us a model of having a reaction to suffering loss and injury in relationship where He made Himself vulnerable. He hoped for connection and fellowship and instead was rejected and abused. Jesus suffered as part of being human and, at times, He was angry. We need to remember He was fully God and fully man and He is not asking us to no longer be human! Let’s go through some of the different scenarios of anger or lack of anger and try to move forward in a mature expression and resolution of it. It is a process to grow up and learning to mature in our expression of anger is just another skill we must practice and perfect. What if you don’t seem to have any anger? Well, since we can’t find any culture or humans on the planet who don’t recognize anger, then you will want to open yourself to the possibility that you are pushing your anger away and it is affecting you in hidden ways such as physical illness, bitterness, resentment, depression or even a negative world view. A very cold person who is rather withdrawn is, in truth, a very angry person! Over the years, I have seen some people healed of physical problems by simply allowing the anger that they carry in their body to have an emotional expression (that doesn’t do injury to themselves or others) and resolution instead of keeping it stored in their bodies. If this is our problem, we humble ourselves to be teachable and open to facing the truth of what is inside of us instead of pretending to be something we are not. Wearing a mask that disguises our true emotions may work around people but God knows what is going on deep inside of us—even if we don’t. God loves us and God loves truth. He sees the real things inside of us. He sees the beauty of us as His creation and beloved one and He focuses on all that is good. When He looks at anything unhealthy or harmful in us, it looks like what we find in baby diapers when the child needs a diaper change. I had four children and changed thousands of diapers—never once did I confuse the precious child with what was in the diaper! I have ministered to people at times who were so lacking in the establishment of themselves as a human being and the “rights” thereof, that they truly believed it was hopeless for them to express any of their feelings or preferences. The view of self they carried was as a supporting cast member in the life drama of someone else. This is out of God’s divine order and not pleasing to Him. He enjoys our humanity and our ability to make choices and express ourselves. He enjoyed watching Adam name the animals, He enjoyed David’s fiery heart full of passion (see the Psalms). He is not asking us to forfeit authenticity for some restrained pretense of what we see as a “holy life”. He wants you to be fully who you are and to come into union with who He fully is. You will be transformed, of course, but this results from your becoming totally honest with Him and allowing Him to touch every area of your soul. What if you feel your anger but then are ashamed of it and have guilt about any expression of it? Some of us were raised to believe that any expression of anger is sinful—that keeps us stuck with no way of getting rid of anger. Imagining how we “should” be doesn’t automatically create that scenario in us. Resolving anger is a process that begins with facing we are hurt or unhappy and therefore angry about it. If you were God, would you rather someone be honest with you about their unpleasant feelings or would you rather them be fake and phony around you, pretending everything is “OK”? I think the verse, “Peace, peace, where there is no peace” [2]would describe that. If this is our situation, then let’s try a practical solution. The goal is to resolve our anger. It looks like one part of us is angry, but another part is not comfortable with having anger. We are at war with ourselves—we have a divided mind and heart[3]. Each part must be willing to consider the perspective of the other side. Maybe we don’t think we have the right to object and be unhappy with others or our situation because we may lose love and approval. Or we are afraid our anger will cause everyone to abandon or reject us. These are frightening prospects and must be properly heard and addressed. Finding security in God’s love and seeing ourselves as loved by Him no matter how we behave can calm these fears.[4] On the other hand, any life losses create grief in us and resolving grief must always involve a facing of hurts which will lead us through a brief time of being angry before moving on to resolution and forgiveness. We need to allow the angry part of us to have its say[5] without judging or condemning ourselves for it. Once that part of us is heard, we can begin to grieve the loss and allow the provision of Christ which is already within you to flood that needy area.[6]. Allowing ourselves to be angry about a loss moves us towards resolution and forgiveness. Trying to just not be angry because that is not “holy” will simply keep us stuck longer and at an impasse with ourselves. Loving and accepting ourselves right where we are opens the door for change in our lives—that is why God decided to love us with no conditions. It makes us safe enough to consider trying another way. What if you are often angry and even destructive in your expression of it? People who are angry most of the time generally see the people and circumstances of their life as the source of their anger. They believe that if other people behaved differently or that if their life situation could just change, they would be happy and their anger would resolve itself. Raging about this and that, they beat on their environment and insist that everyone and everything owes them a debt and just won’t pay it. Because we aren’t in charge of everyone and everything, this can keep us stuck in anger forever. Studies have proven that simply raging and venting doesn’t resolve anger but makes us even angrier. Identifying the real source of our anger, which is often fear and wounding will bring us into a new level of truth about ourselves and our lives. From the vantage point of being honest about where our hearts are at and looking for a change in ourselves, we can do something about our unhappiness instead of waiting for a change in the outside environment to be the solution (which is probably not going to happen, anyway). For someone who can’t seem to control their anger, recognizing that the real problem is inside rather than the fault of others or life situations is a first step towards resolution. The first stage of grief is coming out of denial about a loss. Seeing past the present-day circumstances and identifying themes of hurts and losses will lead us to look at our history and how we may be repeating dramas.[7] What if you are depressed, anxious or have an extremely negative world view? This can be anger turned inward. One thing we do, if we feel we are not allowed to be angry, is to aim it at ourselves. I have worked with people who were very depressed or having anxiety attacks. One thing that was characteristic of most of them was that they never seemed to have bouts of simple, genuine anger at life events! Their reaction to losses was minimal as far as any overt expression was concerned. But on deeper inspection, they had hidden their anger from themselves and now the focus of all their attention was on their “condition” of depression or anxiety. Once we determined they were playing a little game of distraction with themselves to avoid admitting anger, they began to give themselves permission to be angry and gradually their depression and anxiety went away.[8] These scenarios are general, and each person’s resolution of anger and grieving process will look a bit different. Just like a child learning to walk, we must practice and master the skill of expressing our anger in a mature and effective way that leads to full resolution. Years ago, I read a book called How to Really Love Your Teenager by Dr. Ross Campbell. In it he had what was called an “anger ladder” which described ways of expressing anger from the very worst to the very best.[9] Ironically, the very bottom of the list, below shouting and breaking things, was being passive about anger. That is where you pretend you are not angry but take it out in covert ways. Lying about our anger makes sure that the “sun goes down on it” and that we can never get it resolved.[10] However, you respond to life losses and however you express or don’t express your anger, there is always room to grow and develop and be healthier. Instead of locking ourselves into a static picture of self with unrealistic expectations, we will do better to follow God’s lead. He takes people as they are, loves them in that place and then sets about teaching and guiding them into a full development of all that is good about them and a gradual adjustment to unhealthy perspectives and behaviors that block them from the very best they can be. God’s positive and practical approach to us, filled with compassion and patience, is a good role model for us in how we speak to ourselves and how we treat ourselves. Let’s be deliberate about our status as “little children” who get to make mistakes, not know everything, and need help from our parent on a regular basis”. From this attitude, we will find ourselves set up for success in receiving abundant help and kindness from our Father in Heaven. [1] For a fuller treatment of God’s anger as demonstrated in the grieving process, see Good Grief: Revised, Updated and Expanded by Nancy Moelk [2] See Jeremiah 6:14 and 8:11 as well as Ezekiel 13:10. [3] See James 1:7-8 concerning the problem of being double minded and how that leaves us unstable. [4] For an excellent exercise on receiving God’s love and approval for you, go to Love and Approval of God by Richard Kinney [5] This is part of “confession” and when done without injuring ourselves and others is part of the road to true “holiness”. [6] An exercise to appropriate the presence of Christ for each and every hurt can be found in the Gratitude and Stepping into Freedom from Pain post on our website. [7] For a fuller treatment of this, see the booklet Unshackled From Your Past in the Booklet section of our website. [8] See the booklet by Nancy Moelk Anxiety Booklet at firehouseministries.com. [9] Click here for a link to Anger Ladder Dr. Ross Campbell also wrote a book How to Really Love Your Angry Teen and How to Really Love Your Angry Child. [10] Ephesians 4:26.

After a very long time in Christian service with many ups and downs, we have finally been shown a much better understanding of how spiritual growth works. We know the foundation of all growth is based on our embracing the union that exists between us and Jesus Christ, since we are “in Him” and He is “in us.” We are called to develop in four areas in a somewhat balanced and equal way or we will be left in shallowness at best and become unstable at worst. If we learn to cooperate and grow intentionally in each area, He will be able to more quickly and completely release us into safe, powerful, intelligent and joyful service and growth. These four areas of growth are based on the four faces of God as demonstrated by the wonderful but mysterious creatures that surround His throne as recorded in Revelations 4. Each represent part of His nature and because we are made in His image, we have all the potential inside to be developed and come into maturity in each of these areas. · Area #1: The Man involves our ability to give and receive love. Our creativity, our love for the arts, our compassion and empathy. We must grow in the Man. This involves our emotional health and heart strength. And this will allow us to contain and use safely the power and authority of the Lion. · Area #2: The Lion involves our ability to govern and take charge. To become co-creators with God. To participate in the restoration of all things. We must grow in the courage and boldness of the Lion to convincingly communicate the things revealed to us through prophecy and heavenly visions that we find in the Eagle. The authority we obtain in the Lion, gives us power to be a credible witness and to have impact in every area of life. To rise into the courts of heaven and influence what happens on earth. · Area #3: The Eagle involves all things supernatural. In order to move forward in life as a representative of God and His agenda we must learn to hear from Him and be open to His direction and revelation through dreams and visions and direct encounter with Him. We are meant to do greater works than Jesus did! · Area #4: The Ox involves the ability to rest and prosper in submission to our God and to be willing to sacrifice. In order to be strong and steady enough to move forward irresistibly in what we are shown through the Eagle, we must develop the love and submission of the Ox and the incredible strength that comes with that. This School with God’s help, will help you become the joyful and powerful person that God has made you to be. Expect divine appointments and encounters as you study this school.

Listen here for an audio of Stepping Into the Presence of Christ for Emotional Healing

Click here for Audio Insights into Spiritual Warfare Do you know what spiritual warfare involves? I want to add to your perspective on spiritual warfare if you already have an opinion. Or this may inform you if you don’t’ know anything about it. I am going to walk you through, verse by verse, a passage of Scripture (Ephesians 6:10-18) that people use in spiritual warfare. Some say it daily as a protection prayer, others go through placing each element of the armor of God on their bodies. In addition, I know people who go after demons with praying in tongues and fierce language as their version of spiritual warfare. All of this can be effective if done from our spirit man and not our own soul’s power. Or maybe you don’t anything at all about spiritual warfare but would welcome some way of placing a barrier between you and the attacks of Satan. Hopefully this little article will give you some insights and reassurances you may not have had before. I have added links in the endnotes to help you find more information on many of the topics briefly referred to in this article. The entire passage from Ephesians is listed at the end of the article.[i] Being Strong in the Lord and His Mighty Power We can be strong in many things. We might be strong certain abilities, or strong in our finances or strong in our social group. We may focus on worries and fears and "what might happen next." But how can we be "strong in the Lord?" This one sentence involves a lifetime pursuit of God’s presence and God’s friendship.[ii] It has to do with a gradual alignment of your soul and your body with your spirit man, which carries the person of Christ. There are other articles on these topics throughout the website (see endnotes), for now we will concentrate on spiritual warfare.[iii] To be strong in the Lord and his mighty power takes a deep-down confidence in several beliefs. 1. God has a good opinion of us. In other words, he is more interested in what is right about us than what is wrong with us because the blood of Christ has addressed the bad stuff. Every time we reject a judgmental, condemning, or accusatory thought or word about ourselves or others, we defeat the enemy. You will cause him to shudder if you make positive statements about yourself and your life. 2. God is a loving Father who wants to protect and provide for us both physically and emotionally. Sitting in the heavenly places on God, the Father’s lap is the most accurate picture of reality we rest in.[iv] So, when we see areas of our lives where we are being deprived, and we respond with faith, the enemy is deprived of his ammunition against us. Before God can meet certain needs in us, he may need to change our character, so we are capable of receiving blessing. Think of the 10 spies who saw the promised land as a trap rather than an opportunity. (See Numbers 13:32)[v] 3. God wants to help us to grow in character and though he doesn’t cause evil, he always uses it to make us stronger and stronger in him. When we choose to believe that God can and will turn every situation to ultimately be a positive influence on us, it releases a wave of trouble for the enemy. He sticks to the same old story all the time, exactly what he did with Adam and Eve. “God is evil, not good. He wants to deprive you, not provide for you.” 4. God is powerful enough to do anything and he is looking for people who truly believe that with God, nothing is impossible. Can you believe there was a town Jesus passed through where even he couldn’t do many miracles because of the people’s unbelief?[vi] You have a choice every moment, every day, in every situation to choose hope instead of negativity. Choosing to hope (which is free, by the way) instead of negativity and gloom makes the enemy sick. You end up oppressing the oppressor. By now, I hope you are getting the picture that the greatest weapons of our warfare come out of our thoughts and our words. We have great authority to defeat the enemy by our view of God and the choices we make in response to life situations. You will find these themes repeated as we go through the rest of the Ephesians verses. Put on the Full Armor of God…Take your Stand Against the Devil’s Schemes It is a good idea at times to investigate where opposition to us originates. Is it really the devil? Or is it our own bad choices? Or is it the way of the world? And lastly, could God himself be opposing us in this matter? Richard Kinney has a great talk on the website addressing this very issue.[vii] Chasing devils is not effective when life’s mess as a result of our bad choices or someone else’s malfeasance. On the other hand, if deliverance from demons is needed, other help with be sabotaged. For Our Struggle is Not Against Flesh and Blood We all need to grieve and find comfort and restoration from God for life losses of every kind.[viii] God invites us to share our feelings with him. Ultimately, it is not the hard knocks that determine our happiness, but our reaction to whatever we experience. But overall, how often do we envision other people as being the cause of our struggle and unhappiness? We play the blame game and assume the role of being someone else’s victim. I am not saying there isn’t victimization and injury in this world at the hand of others, but our reaction to their actions determines how much we will be devoured by the enemy in the process. We can choose to declare in the midst of problems that God will make a way where there seems to be no way. This creates a wall of fire around our attitudes that burns the enemy. But Spiritual Forces of Evil in the Heavenly Places Remember, we are being strong in God’s mighty power not our own. Jesus has all authority in heaven and earth. Because of his authority, we can command demons to leave. More than that, we can release angels to do warfare.[ix] The angels have a certain amount of authority and are always ready to respond to any request which lines up with what God wants to do. Once we discern God’s will, we can join our authority in Christ with that of the angels for much more powerful prayers. Also, we will need to grow in discernment so we can determine when a demon is involved and not just a human or cultural element. We want to avoid either extreme: on the one hand, there is no such thing as demons, or on the other hand, seeing a demon in every corner. We can’t take on spiritual forces, but God can. We are seated in heaven with Christ.[x] Our constant focus is a positive one. If we are continually focusing on God’s attributes (his goodness, beauty, power, faithfulness, etc.) we are welcoming his presence and intervention in whatever else is going on. In the meantime, we are waiting for God to make every enemy our footstool.[xi] We can accept that the enemy uses people to do his bidding at times. He inspires them to cooperate with evil. When we are moved by the Holy Spirit, we do good works and have healthy attitudes. When people are influenced by Satan, it produces bad fruit instead of good. Satan loves to manipulate us as well and try to get us to play for his team. Deciding to be negative and hopeless plays for his team. He is scared off by someone who keeps committing themselves to God’s care even when other people are doing them harm, or they don’t yet see the solution. Put on the Full Armor of God so when the Day of Evil Comes You Will be Able to Stand Your Ground The idea I’m presenting to you through this article is that when you are living a lifestyle of believing and declaring good over yourself, your family, your life circumstances, your possibilities, etc., you are engaging in effective spiritual warfare. Pay attention to every negative thought and word you speak or think. That is an open invitation to the enemy to attack you. Closing those convenient loopholes for him is spiritual warfare par excellence. Stand Firm with the Belt of Truth Buckled around Your Waist Jesus promised that the Holy Spirit would guide us into all truth.[xii] Ask God to make you a lover of truth, a speaker of truth. Ask him to show you the lies you have believed about him, yourself, your life, other people. Meditate on God’s word. Learn to hear God’s voice so the Holy Spirit can speak truth to you as you go through your day.[xiii] Truth will protect you from the lies of the enemy. The Breastplate of Righteousness Jesus Christ is our righteousness, and he lives in us. I have a little saying about this: “I am God’s house, and he lives in me.” What does that mean? Whether or not you recognize the supernatural character that dwells in you, it is still there. The process of becoming righteous is waking up to something you have already been given not you changing into something you never were. A breastplate covers your vital organs area. The righteousness of Jesus Christ is our guarantee of adoption into God’s family with all its privileges and powers. We will be discovering all the treasures of being in Christ beginning now and continuing into eternity. Feet Fitted with the Readiness that comes from the Gospel of Peace Some people think this verse is just about sharing the gospel with others. I am not contradicting that, but I am adding another interpretation. Feet represent our understanding. It is where we “take a stand.” One of the greatest weapons against the enemy is peace. Our choice to rest in the Father’s arms[xiv] no matter what people are doing or saying, not matter what storm is raging about us, provides the higher ground in warfare. Satan has an uphill battle trying to get to us. He runs from someone who abides in the peace of Christ. The Shield of Faith Extinguishes the Flaming Arrows Everything we have detailed so far has to be guarded by a believing attitude. The enemy is constantly challenging our faith in God’s character and our faith in God’s commitment to us. He wants to ignite in us fear, worry, hopelessness, torment, etc. And guess what? We are incapable of mustering up our own faith. The faith we have is a gift from God and he constantly invites us to open up the gift and use it. So, if you feel that your “faith tank” is running on low, you need to go spend some time with the Father/Son/Holy Spirit and get a renewed vision of the gift of faith he has given you through your friendship with God. The end result of faith is REST. You can tell you are truly believing in God when you can relax and rest no matter what is going on. In fact, rest is the apex of spiritual development. Rest reflects a relaxation in who God is and in his capability to handle whatever is happening. If I am praying fervently, I want it to be flowing from my intimacy with God and at the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. I don’t want to pray out of fear though I may start off my prayer time like that. But once I calm myself by focusing on God’s presence and character, I can begin to once again flow with the Holy Spirits power. God meets us where we are at but then takes us to a higher place of faith as we trust in his love for us. The Helmet of Salvation A helmet protects your most important body part. Our connection to God, the fact he made us his child, is our greatest piece of armor in defense of the enemy’s attacks. Keep going back to God as a loving and attentive parent who wants to be with you. As you grow in embracing his vision of you, the enemy will find it more and more difficult to harass you. The Sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God Learn the Bible and also learn to hear God’s voice. When the enemy starts proclaiming his lies whether in your own head or through something outside of you, pull out the word of God, whether it is truth you learned in the Bible, or the words God has spoken to you in the secret place. You can attack the enemy with truth. We also use the promises of God to declare the way things should be. Once we hear God’s voice and know his will in a matter, we begin to declare with confidence God’s will be done in earth as it is in heaven. And be specific. Pray in the Spirit Do you know how to pray in tongues? That is one way to pray in the spirit. Another is to allow the Holy Spirit to come on you and give you words to pray. Both are effective for bringing heaven to earth when led by the Holy Spirit. Remember, everything we do that creates effective warfare is done together with God. That is abiding. Another way to pray in the spirit is to sit with God in silence, loving on him with our hearts in an intimacy that goes beyond any words. If you have any long term relationships, hopefully you have reached that point where you and that other person connect deeply just being in each other’s presence, no words needed. I pray your hunger for God and all he is will grow and grow. Wherever you are in your adventure with him, he welcomes you to come and spend some time with him, to make him your focus. Sometimes I say to him, “I don’t want anything from you right now Jesus. I just want to be your friend and hang out together. Will you take a walk with me? Do you want to watch the football game with me? Or can you hold me as I fall asleep?” And other times I ask him to please share his heart with me. As you grow in friendship with him, your ways of connecting and relating to him will grow and be unique to you. Spiritual Warfare in some ways is finally coming to the reality that there is no separation between us and God: we are becoming one with Christ. [i] 10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Ephesians 6:10-18 (NIV) [ii] See the article on the webpage “Friendship with God.” [iii] See firehouseministries.com page called Pray. [iv] See “Sitting in the Heavenly Places in Christ” on the website. [v]And they spread among the Israelites a bad report about the land they had explored. They said, “The land we explored devours those living in it. All the people we saw there are of great size. (NIV) [vi] Matthew 13:57-58 [vii] See “Who Opposes Us?” by Richard Kinney. [viii] See book by Dr. Nancy Moelk, “Good Grief: Revised, Updated and Expanded”. [ix] See the School of the Lion’s lesson on Deliverance for more information.: [x] See Colossians 3. [xi] See Psalm 110. [xii] John 16;3. [xiii] See the School of the Eagle for more information on hearing God’s voice. [xiv] See the Blog post “Seated in the Heavenly Places” for more information. Click here for PDF

Here is the Audio File of Chapter 10 of Good Grief Revised, Updated and Expanded Ending Up in the Divine Embrace By Dr. Nancy Moelk[1] Delayed grief will cause us to lose zest for life. It will slowly take your energy and leave you without the expectation that things can ever improve. If you observe small children, you see how game they are for life. Babies exude how much they want to live and live to the fullest. They broadcast “I’m here” and expect others to respond to that and delight in them. They are plucky and full of fight! Grief is the God-given tool for getting rid of hurt, making peace and finally forgiving. This results in plenty of room in our souls for more of God’s joie de vivre: peace, adventure, curiosity, hope, enjoyment and pleasure, accomplishment and the list goes on and on. My co-worker, Richard Kinney came upon these insights into resignation through his work with a client.[2] John was a strong believer and often traveled on mission trips with a renowned healer. They witnessed the blind seeing and lame people walking and many other miraculous healings on these trips. Richard had been mentoring John and asked him why he never asked this healer with whom he was very close, to pray for his chronic pain. It was very curious to Richard that requesting help from such an obvious source was not something John had automatically done. It was at that point that Richard began to recognize the role of resignation in the believer’s life. Resignation cons a person into the false assumption that “there is nothing to do to make things change.” Or, “my efforts will only result in failure, so why try?” Resignation, on the surface, looks like a seamless floor that we are so used to, we take it for granted. And beneath it lurk hopelessness and despair and other evils that scare us into leaving resignation in place. We reason that resignation is a better choice than feeling hopelessness and despair. And it would be except that we can get rid of both through Jesus Christ. Here is an idea for prayer: “Lord Jesus, I ask that you expose the top seamless surface of resignation in me and tear it up then pump and remove the lies underneath.” The floor is hard to see, and many say, “I don’t have resignation.” But upon further investigation they discover they have quite a lot. God is a God of answers and solutions. It was Jesus who said, “knock and the door will be opened and seek, and you will find.” He is heavily invested in helping us to be cleansed from every negative and destructive reaction. Just look at creation. There’s joy, even in the animal kingdom. You can watch puppies play, dolphins swim, birds sing. Birds like singing—they don’t have to sing. God could have made the world in grey-tone, not color. And why use more than one color? The extravagance and variety of creation broadcasts the “aliveness” that is the “way it should be.” Most of us are living well below our potential in terms of joy and energy and effectiveness. One of our main roles as counselors is to restore people to their natural levels of effectiveness, joy and success. And as God aids us to excavate this debris in the soul, we always want to fill it with the Father’s love, optimism, energy, and good health. Scattered hopes and dreams are often the reason resignation begins to lay its tiles in our souls. When resignation takes a hold of you, your deepest held belief causes things to which you’re resigned, to happen. Such as “People don’t like me”, “life is hard”, “people don't cooperate with me”, “I can’t make any friends”. It’s a different song and dance for each different person, but there are many commonalities. “Life’s a drudge”, or some version of “life’s a bummer then you die.” Some call this “self-fulfilling prophecy.” If we hold lies as truth, now without knowing it, we are praying against ourselves. And as our history becomes more and more filled with these negative life experiences in answer to our hidden prayers, we refer to our “history” as concrete evidence these lies are valid! Do you see how this vicious cycle can keep us stuck in a lackluster life at best and deep discouragement at worst? When we have not dealt with loss in a timely fashion our hearts can become hard. Some of the various by-products of delayed grief begin to fill our souls. Besides the obvious unforgiveness that accompanies unresolved hurts, there are four other “soul conditions” we want to talk about here. Our Lord wants to help us to make more room for connection with Him and He will help us to address each of these things that contribute to our hard and negatively full hearts. This list is not exhaustive but very helpful. 1.     Resentment 2.     Bitterness 3.     Resignation 4.     Hopelessness and Despair Resentment is a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will over something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.[3] Ever find yourself mulling over some situation or relationship where you got hurt and couldn’t resolve it? That is the feeling of resentment and as we get older, we can pile up more and more of it! When we reach a certain threshold of resentment and it increasingly becomes a lifestyle, that’s where we become full of bitterness. Bitterness is supported in our soul by a stance that God or whoever was supposed to help us, did not. Our worldview if we become bitter takes on an acrid quality of disappointment and negativity. Rather than hopeful expectation, we anticipate things will not go well for us. No wonder the Bible warns of someone who can defile many by a bitter root.[4] Resignation is where we say: My difficulty, my pain, my sorrow, whatever I am facing—there is no way I can beat it or get away from it, so I am just going to give up and become resigned to it as a way to lessen my own pain. As a child, it is true we can’t walk away from an abusing or annoying parent. Or as an adult we can’t walk away from a medical condition. Resignation is never really a good choice for us because we were created to be aggressive, to be warriors, to be proactive. As adults we can always move back against situations that are unfair even if they are larger than we can face openly. We can always pray against them, invoking God’s will and kingdom to enter every circumstance. But there is an even more compelling purpose to form this false floor of resignation. When we encounter life situations where we have no solution, this provokes in us feelings of hopelessness and despair. Negative emotion is one of the most painful feelings we can experience so we are very interested in avoiding it, if possible. When hopelessness and despair fills an area of our souls, we can cover it up with resignation and pretend it isn’t there. We choose to settle for the dull ache of resigning ourselves to whatever life serves us rather than facing the pit of hopelessness and despair beneath it. One of the signs that a person has hopelessness and despair is when they must go around things instead of straight at them. They take an overly non-confrontational approach to issues because they are afraid of confronting the hopelessness and despair. There is a time to be confrontational and a time to be a peace maker. If we act out of fear and not love, we will be a less effective in our lives. The fourplex of resignation, bitterness, resentment and hopelessness and despair provide seemingly convincing evidence that you can’t go any deeper in life’s pursuits. Deep happiness for you? Nah. A little bit of happiness for you? Yeah, maybe. A life with deep friendships? Nah. Just some casual connections if I get lucky. A lot of success for you? Nah. A little bit of success for you? Maybe. There is no safety for you in the floor of resignation. Everything beneath it (resentment, bitterness, and hopelessness/despair) are not your friends[5]. It slowly takes your energy and robs your life of joy and pleasure. My friend and co-worker, Richard Kinney, likes to go after the hopelessness and despair in a person first. He treats it like moray eels silently slithering through the person’s soul. One of their goals is to make it especially difficult to deal with the other negative qualities inhibiting the person. The task before us looks insurmountable. The negative threats of resentment, resignation, bitterness and hopelessness and despair have thwarted us. But we can start breaking them apart. Imagine that there is a 30-pound block of ice hindering my way and I have a hammer in my hand. Who is going to win? Me or the block of ice? I am going to win. Even if it takes me some time, I am going to pound on that block of ice until it is all little ice chips. That’s the situation we are in. Even though this may be a work that takes some time, we can win out against resignation and everything we thought it was protecting us from. With Jesus Christ we are more than conquerors who strengthens us, so we don’t have to give up Even people in prison or those who are being tortured don’t have to give up. There are small choices we can make both in prayer and outwardly that make a difference. Richard Wurmbrand was a Romanian Pastor who spent fourteen years in communist prisons suffering for his faith in Christ. When he wasn’t in solitary confinement, he endured physical torture and exposure to long periods of hunger and freezing temperatures. In prison, he was given one slice of bread per week for food. Every tenth week, he would “tithe” his food… giving the entire slice to a weaker prisoner as an act of obedience to God.[6] By that small choice he remained   unresigned to his fate even though he couldn’t break out of jail or kill his captors. So, resignation is this floor built on hidden concrete blocks inside your soul. It very difficult for you to swim and flow with the Spirit of God. Our goal is be increasingly lifted-up in a weightless state, able to receive the gentle nudges of the Holy Spirit moving us. If our hearts are heavy and hard, God has to use quite a bit more muscle to get us to turn and go in a different or new direction. Be suspicious if you always have an explanation as to why “things happen to me like this all the time.” You look at your track record and feel you can prove that people in churches don’t like you, or that when you start a new program someone’s going to disdain it. This is not at all like little children. Little kids expect to be successful. When they draw a picture and show you, they expect you to clap. They rejoice in whatever they can do and assume others will rejoice with them. They invite us to share their pleasure at accomplishing whatever they do simply because it is their life and they love it! We, too, can enjoy and appreciate our own personal best. Even if I’m not the best artist, I can have a good day. Most of us are in some way gifted and very lovely given an opportunity. And we give ourselves that opportunity by allowing God to help us remove any resentment, bitterness, resignation and hopelessness and despair that has weighed down our souls. I pray for you right now that the energy and love of God would begin to pull up out of you any and all this debris as you open your heart and expectations to Him. All that we are speaking of here is part of what it takes to deal with the effects of delayed grief. The idea that we need to settle for all this soft coal packed down in our souls repressing and suffocating our real potential is based on lies. “That’s just the way I feel, that always happens to me.” Whatever our story is, we have got to realize that the son or daughter of God has possibilities that we don’t often see expressed around us. If we seek God to show us whatever walls of unbelief have constrained us to live much smaller than we were meant to live, He will reveal to us the foundational lies that keep those walls in place. Here are just a few of those lies: I don’t belong. I will never really be loved. I am a disappointment to others, and they will eventually disappoint me. I should never have been born. The world is a hostile place. People are always out to hurt me. “The Lord wants to propel us into something that looks more like Jesus Christ being manifest on the earth. I think we could see more miracles, genuine joy and salvations based on people saying I want what that guy has. Whatever he has, I don’t know what that is, but I want that. I don’t think many Christians are witnesses like that, but I think they could be.”[7] Richard and I have helped many clients with resignation problems as described above and seen very good fruit. Ridding yourself of resignation and lies will make it easier for you to connect to the spirit man. The key to becoming fully alive is in our spirit man (gender non-specific) who is already inside of us. The grieving process God placed within us will guide us out of misery. Our spirit man can lead us into a vibrant and joyful life. Most Christians are unaware of their spirit man. But this powerful part of us can mentor and coach each area of our souls into communion and harmony with Jesus Christ. Our spirit man and how he can help us is the subject of our next chapter. [1] My thanks to Richard Kinney for permitting me to expand and illustrate his teaching on resignation. [2] Any name referring to a client in this book is changed to an alias. [3] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/resentment. [4] See Hebrews 12:15. [5] You may also find plenty of unforgiveness, hatred, jealousy, envy, malice, etc. [6] Quoted from Troy Gramling website: https://troygramling.com/giving-bread/ [7] From a conversation I recorded with Richard Kinney, my co-worker at Firehouse Ministries, Inc.

This exercise/prayer is a practical application of Revelation 3:20 Audio File read by Gary Moelk "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me." In the Middle East in Jesus’ day and even until today when a person dines in the home of another, from that point on, either person can ask the other for anything, anything at all. After they eat or dine together in the home, they are considered linked together, like family. Jesus is offering to have this type of relationship with us where we can ask him for anything, and He can ask us for anything also. Do you want this type of relationship with Jesus? 1) Everyone has a door. It is the door to the heart. It is the door you open or close to let people in or keep people out. This is your door. No one can open or close your door except you. Not even Jesus can open or close your door. Only you can. Close your eyes and try to feel your door. Put your hand on this door when you can feel it. 2) Jesus is standing at your door and knocking and calling your name. Be very quiet and calm and listen with the ears of your heart and try to hear, or feel, Jesus knocking. Raise your hand when you can hear or feel him knocking. Don’t be in a hurry. He is there. Wait until you feel something. (If there is no response after a certain time, assure the person(s) that even if they can’t feel him he is there.) 3) Do you want to open the door or leave it closed? 4) Now open the door and raise your hand once the door is open. 5) What do you see or feel? 6) Now invite Jesus into the house and raise your hand once He has entered. 7) What do you want to say to him? Some possible responses might be: · Forgive me for …. · I am so glad you came, you are always welcome here · I love you, please come in 8) Now ask Jesus to sit down. If you have a table, have him sit together with you at the dinner table. Raise your hand when Jesus is seated. 9) What is your favorite dish is? Try to picture yourself eating this dish with Jesus, who is eating the same dish. It is actually Jesus who has prepared the dish for you. Raise your hand when you can see yourself dining at the table with Jesus. 10) Now that you have begun to eat, you can talk to Jesus. What do you want to tell him? Don’t ask for anything yet, just talk to him about what is on your mind and heart. Take your time. Jesus is NOT in a hurry. He wants to spend time with you. Raise your hand when you have finished talking with him about everything you had to say. 11) Now, talk to Jesus about what you want. Ask Him. You can ask Him for anything. Raise your hand when you have finished asking Him. 12) Now it is time to listen. Be very quiet and use the ears of your heart and listen to what he is saying to you. Raise your hand once you feel he has finished speaking with you. (If you, the facilitator, have heard something for person doing the exercise, offer now what you have heard.) Coaching Tips · Affirm the person in the love and acceptance of Jesus who came knocking and searching them out because he loves them. · If this is the first time this person has invited Jesus into their heart (you may need to ask if it is the 1st time) affirm the fact that God has heard all that they have said and that angels are now rejoicing in heaven because of what they have said and done today. · Let them know that this exercise is meant to be repeated often. Even if they have invited him in, they can continue to invite him in, it doesn’t mean that they didn’t do it right the first time. After all, this verse in Revelation was given to the church in particular. PDF of Exercise

Listen here to the audio of How to Control Your Atmosphere Spiritually by the Power of Christ

Here is an exercise to draw you into the peace of Christ. Listen here. Come and soak in God's river of peace as long as you like. Richard Kinney shares a vision God gave him to help a counselee come to peace. The end of the recording is left silent so you can continue your meditation without interruption. Listed below are verses about peace for meditation. Peace Verses John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. John 16:33 "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." John 20:21 So Jesus said to them again, " Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you." Romans 8:6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, Romans 12:18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Romans 14:17 For the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Romans 14:19 So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another. Romans 15:13 Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 16:20 The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you. 1 Corinthians 14:33 for God is not a God of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints. 2 Corinthians 13:11 Rejoice, be made complete, be comforted, be like-minded, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you. Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, Ephesians 2:14 For He Himself is our peace, who made both groups into one and broke down the barrier of the dividing wall, Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:9 The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. Colossians 3:15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. 1 Thessalonians 5:23 Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Thessalonians 3:16 Now may the Lord of peace Himself continually grant you peace in every circumstance The Lord be with you all! Hebrews 12:14 Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. Psalm 4:8 In peace I will both lie down and sleep, For You alone, O LORD, make me to dwell in safety. Psalm 29:11 The LORD will give strength to His people; The LORD will bless His people with peace. Psalm 34:14 Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it. Psalm 85:10 Lovingkindness and truth have met together; Righteousness and peace have kissed each other. Psalm 119:165 Those who love Your law have great peace, And nothing causes them to stumble. Proverbs 3:17 (Wisdom) Her ways are pleasant ways And all her paths are peace. Proverbs 12:20 Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil , But counselors of peace have joy. Proverbs 16:7 When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him. Ecclesiastes 3:8 A time to love and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace. Song of Solomon 8:10 "I was a wall, and my breasts were like towers; Then I became in his eyes as one who finds peace (brings contentment). Isaiah 9:6 For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; And the government will rest on His shoulders; And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:7 There will be no end to the increase of His government or of peace, On the throne of David and over his kingdom, To establish it and to uphold it with justice and righteousness From then on and forevermore The zeal of the LORD of hosts will accomplish this. Isaiah 26:3 "The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:12 LORD, You will establish peace for us, Since You have also performed for us all our works. Isaiah 27:5 "Or let him rely on My protection, Let him make peace with Me, Let him make peace with Me." Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness will be peace, And the service of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever. Isaiah 48:22 "There is no peace for the wicked," says the LORD. Isaiah 52:7 How lovely on the mountains Are the feet of him who brings good news, Who announces peace And brings good news of happiness, Who announces salvation, And says to Zion, "Your God reigns!" Isaiah 54:10 "For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, But My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, And My covenant of peace will not be shaken, "Says the LORD who has compassion on you. Isaiah 55:12 "For you will go out with joy And be led forth with peace; The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you, And all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Isaiah 57:19 Creating the praise of the lips Peace, peace to him who is far and to him who is near, "Says the LORD, "and I will heal him." Isaiah 66:12 For thus says the LORD, "Behold, I extend peace to her like a river, And the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream; And you will be nursed, you will be carried on the hip and fondled on the knees. PDF of Peace Verses.

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Would you like to get better at prayer? Here are some insights from a great saint to help you move forward in this area of being with God. St. Teresa of Avila (1515-1582) practiced and wrote on a type of prayer known today as “contemplative prayer”. Contemplative prayer concentrates on what God is offering to us in our prayer time[i] instead of focusing on our words and activity towards God, St. Teresa explained the degrees of prayer in her autobiography entitled Life. St. Teresa says our soul is like a garden. There are four possible ways of watering our garden. These symbolize four ways of practicing/experiencing prayer. A Bucket The first degree of prayer requires the most effort on our part. We draw our own water from a well using a bucket and rope. St. Teresa says this type of prayer is certainly better than no prayer at all and the discipline of it does us much good. Reading and studying the Bible is also important. The first degree of prayer involves such practices as Vocal prayer, Bible reading, lists of requests, attempts at telling God how wonderful he is in long prayers or songs, etc. St. Teresa said we seek to impress God with our “long speeches." [ii] The benefits we reap are mostly from our own efforts. I know this level of prayer well having spent almost the first twenty years of my Christian life practicing it! exclusively. A Water Wheel The second level is less labor intensive on our part, it involves using a waterwheel. Waterwheels in St. Teresa's day were used to help move water closer to homes and fields so people would not have to carry it bucket by bucket. Here we begin to position ourselves to be receivers of whatever God would like to offer us. We "recollect" ourselves. This simply means we quiet our mind and heart before God and become mindful of His presence. Around 1995 I began to become interested in feeling God's presence. It was something new for me to rest and wait on God to give me something rather than putting all my efforts into "accomplishing" something for Him in my prayer time. Over the next five years, I gradually grew in being able to tolerate the sensation of God's manifest presence around me, although it was very mild. I was frightened by Him at first and the idea of someone, anyone, being so close to me was disturbing! Over time, I became more and more happy with God being close. A Flowing Stream The third degree of prayer brings in the water through irrigation: a running stream. There is no human effort involved. The soul has begun its sense that it no longer belongs to itself. This mystical experience begins an awareness of the union between God and the human soul that we have “in Christ.”. At this stage we don’t realize that our union with Christ is already complete, we are only waking up to that reality. To a greater degree than ever before, we are caught up in the person of God. At this stage, it is increasingly difficult to pull away from Him and take back control of our bodies and minds. Around the year 2000 I began meditating on Song of Songs. By 2005, I was having visions and supernatural experiences introducing me to the prayer of union. At times I could not open my eyes or move any part of my body while the presence of God overwhelmed me and left me caught up in His presence. I know others who also speak of such “Bridal Love” experiences. One person had a vision of being dressed as a bride, escorted down an aisle of a cathedral by God, the Father. Awaiting her at the altar was Jesus, the Son. Once she was given to the Groom by the Father, they turned to the altar and there stood the Holy Spirit, ready to perform the marriage vows. I don’t believe this vision was particular to the person who had it but refers to everyone. God woos us all to participate in a life lived together with Him in ever intensifying degrees. Hopefully for all of us, becoming His spouse is what the remainder of our lives will be about. We get to have the wonderful delight of bearing fruit in union with Him. Rain Falling rain symbolizes the fourth degree of prayer. It is a totally mystical moment not dependent on human effort at all. It is complete awareness of union where the person has been absorbed into the person of God and has no feeling of being alive apart from Him. St. Teresa had this intense, all-consuming experience of God. She had realized the mystery of the union with Christ (Ephesians 5:32) Whever we are in our prayer life; God is happy we turn our focus on him in prayer to whatever degree we pursue. He is always interested in drawing us further along into the awareness of our connection with him through Jesus Christ. [i] . It is "the effort the soul makes to withdraw from and forget everything created so as to allow itself to be penetrated by the divine action."[i] St. Teresa, Volume I, p. 23, Intro and quoting St. Teresa from chapter 20, no. 27 of her Life. [ii] Ibid,, Chap. 13.

https://static.wixstatic.com/mp3/fd53d6_0a381d10e24e40dcb3dcfb96401941fe.mp3 Gratitude and Stepping into Freedom from Pain by Richard Kinney Have you ever wondered why small children have so much joy and energy? It doesn't matter where in the world you go; small children all have this. Why did Jesus say "Least you become like a little child, you will in no wise enter the kingdom of heaven?" Is it possible that as we grow up that we have mishandled and misinterpreted some of the experiences that have come our way, until we have lost the joy and energy we came in with? What if God has designed us to be powerful--full of life and love? I believe he has and that we have lost our way in the darkness of this world. Recently God has shown me some tools to regain our natural state. These tools dovetail very nicely with the present-day, widespread movement of the Holy Spirit highlighting gratitude as a way of life and worship. In this class I will try to unpack what was shown to me as an important addition to the way that we counsel and live. I would like to talk to you about dilation and constriction, moving forward and insisting that all of life nourish us as opposed to withdrawing and hiding. The devil wants us to be constricted and in a state of reaction. When we are in a state of reaction we are caught and unable to act freely. God wants us to stay open, able to be free and to act. We are surrounded by the love of God and the power of God on all sides. He is everywhere equally present. Unlimited power and love surround us like an ocean. If we open it, it will flood in. If you have ever been to the dam at Niagara Falls and seen them open the flood gates, you'd be very happy not to be in front of the water that comes out. The water does not need to be coaxed or begged. It just comes through in a volume largely determined by how wide the gates are open. God's power and love are like that. When we open up to it, it comes in abundantly. This is not all there is to intimacy with God, but it is a really big piece of it. Most people believe that if they don't feel the love of God, or have the power of God working through them, that there is a "supply side" problem. God is holding out on us. He is stingy and mean--or there is not enough--or worse yet, he doesn't like us. All these are lies that cause us to back up and be constricted. To be constricted is to have the soul unhealthily compressed upon itself that does not allow the love and power of God to flow freely. If a woman is going to give birth to bring life into the world she much first dilate. In order for us to allow the power of God and the love of God to move through us freely, we must heal these constricted areas in our soul and come into a healthy and normal state of dilation where the power and love of God will move through us freely. Here are some things in life that we encounter that cause our souls to constrict: pain, unfair treatment, fear, anger, hatred, guilt, blame, bad self-image, unresolved loss. Here are some things that cause our souls to dilate: love, joy, forgiveness, good self-image, peace, companionship, plenty. Think of someone you love for a few moments and see how you feel. You'll feel your heart open, your body relax, and a sense of warmth and well-being move through you. As a Christian, our lives are moving in a straight line from the moment of salvation towards heaven. As pilgrims here on earth, we live a nomadic life in this world. We need to stay open to the power and love that will allow us to represent Christ on our journey. To illustrate this, there is a fuse used to detonate explosives called "det cord". It is used by special forces and SWAT teams. It burns very rapidly and is really a series of small explosions. It's sticky like putty. You can put it on a closed and locked steel door and set it off and it will cut right through the steel and will create any shaped opening you want. Try for a moment to see your life as a series of positive and negative explosions moving very rapidly in a straight line, making up the whole of your life. This class is an instruction on one way of opening and maintaining this cord of life in a dilated and healed state that will allow God to easily move through us. We will learn to digest the best of our experiences with gratitude and thanksgiving and to move forcefully into the areas of pain and trauma--learning to re-open the "cave-ins" of our life; and healing and getting nourishment from them. We'll start with how to handle the heart-breaking moments of loss and sorrow that come into our lives. If a really big moment of loss or even of good comes into our lives, the soul must process it or digest it so we can go on in a healthy way in our lives. We see this by people obsessing over an event or person who hurt them or even a lost love they can't let go of. These unprocessed and undigested experiences are stored in the soul much like the body stores food it can't process by setting it aside in fatty tissues. Post traumatic stress syndrome is an extreme example of this. Our natural inclination towards pain is to hide from it, pretend it does not hurt, or feel that nothing can be done about it and just try to "suck it up" and go on. This leaves us blocked and in reaction whether we know it or not. The way I suggest dealing with these painful and traumatic occurrences is illustrated by the martial arts practice which is " Wu Wei ". This is using our enemy’s strength against him. I call this same process in an emotional and counseling sense "coming in the opposite spirit." Let's have a marshal art lesson to demonstrate the principle of Wu Wei (pronounced wee way). A 130-pound woman has been grabbed by a 200 pound man by her wrists. She pulls away from him with all her strength. He pulls back with his greater strength. She will not be able to break free from his grasp in this manner. What should she do? She needs to use his strength against him. First, she pulls back as hard as she can, forcing him to pull on her wrists harder. Then she steps in towards him and pushes off her back foot, letting him pull her towards him violently. Her hands are outstretched where she strikes him in the upper chest or throat knocking him back and down as she twists her wrists free from his grip by pulling out where they are grasped by his thumb and forefinger. Then she may run away or attack as she sees fit. It is by moving towards the larger opponent that she gains freedom and mastery of that opponent. In the same way, as we go back over our life into an old wound or painful circumstance that is constricting our soul, it is by stepping directly into it and not away from it and insisting that we get nourishment from it that we gain our freedom and return to a natural state of dilation and openness to God. What we need to do is to ask Jesus to hold our hand and step with us directly into the pain and say, "Jesus, this really hurts. Stay here with me and make it bearable until we pass through the pain and gain nourishment from it." What was a "stumbling block" and constrictor of our soul becomes a stepping stone of pain and trauma successfully faced and mastered. As these wounded areas in your soul are systematically opened up and restored to health, the natural flow of God's power and love will start to move through you powerfully. This flow will bring about even further healing and return you to your natural states of joy, energy and power. Our deepest held beliefs are our prayers. If we believe in a positive world with a God who cherishes and loves us just the way we are, we will tend to draw more blessing and positive experience by the action of that belief as a positive prayer. If we believe we are oppressed and unloved and unappreciated, those beliefs will draw those experiences to us. Our deepest held beliefs naturally reinforce themselves. And we will have objective proof that the lies that we believe are true. This is a cause of the failure of many of our prayers of petition to be answered. For example, a man at a job wants a promotion and prays for one. However, his deepest held belief is that he is not the kind of person who is positively noticed and not really "good material" for promotion and blessing. So his prayer goes unanswered. We have seen many times in our counseling practice, that when someone changes their deepest held negative core belief --such as, no one notices me or really enjoys my company--all of a sudden, they begin to have make friends and get promotions at work. Gratitude Gratitude for the joyful and good things that come into our lives help us to digest them and get the good out of them. Wrongly held, even good things can constrict us, as we hold them in an undigested state, as a high point that we may never achieve again. Here are some examples: A first love that we never married; being a high school football star; having a high paying job that we loved and lost; having been very strong and athletic and losing our health. If we hold these without gratitude, they can constrict our soul. Let me give you an example of a counselee of mine's life experience that started me on the seeking that led to this class. A seven-year marriage that began when she was twenty had some wonderful high points of love and romance during their first five years. In the final two years the same good experiences were happening, but the husband became very jealous, and his insecurity and jealousy ruined a truly beautiful marriage with a completely devoted wife. The wife, broken-hearted, interpreted the whole seven years of the marriage as loss--a high point in her life that she would never reach again. At age fifty, her deepest held beliefs had come true with two more very bad marriages behind her. What we did to help her was to go back with deep gratitude and thankfulness for the first five years of the marriage and interpreted that time as one of great blessing--restoring that area of her soul to its natural state of dilation. What we did with the final two years of the marriage was to ask Jesus to enter into it with us into the deep pain and loss until she came out the other side, having been nourished by the experience. She came away a stronger person strengthened by successfully facing her pain and having her soul restored in that process .Her deepest held belief changed to being optimistic and being that she could, with Jesus help, face the good and bad that comes to all of us thereby setting herself up for success in future life. Here is another example. A counselee who had a very abusive mother and truly painful childhood, had the blessing of her mother marrying a truly lovely man who became like a stepfather from heaven to her loving and adoring the child. After eight years of a father figure that most people would give anything for, he died unexpectedly of a heart attack. She was devastated. She counted all eight years as loss, setting herself up for more loss and hurt in the future. Many of us do this. What we need to do is to develop a habit of gratitude and go back to the areas of our life that blessed us. And take them in and digest them through thanksgiving and gratitude. We did this with this counselee, and she got the good and the nourishment of her wonderful step-father. By stepping into her pain with Jesus at her side, she found release and nourishment in that part of her soul. She also released the terrible loss of his sudden death., she also released. She became much livelier and more open to God--better able to live a life of joy and success. Since all things are contained in God in whom we live and move and have our being, whenever we are grateful for any part of creation, we give praise and worship to the creator. So, as we live, we digest and get good from life by the act of gratitude which connects us to God and becomes an act of worship. We need to go over our lives and see if we are holding some of things that happened to us in an undigested or constricted state and revisit them with the Lord so that we can get good from our positive as well as our negative circumstances. As an example, as a child I was abandoned by both parents and was beaten by my grandpa. Things were not good for me. But during that time, my grandma would read to me from the classics--Huckleberry Finn, King Arthur, Robin Hood. These are very large books with very big words. It created in me a life-long love of language and literature which has served me very well in my adult life. She was also a fabulous cook. Every day there was wonderful food from her kitchen. I love food and cooking and spent twenty years very happily as a caterer. Cooking is one way that I have learned to express love towards friends and family. Even in the dark times of my life, there have been some really good things. By going back and being grateful for these things we restore dilation and the natural movement of God's power through our soul. We should not, however, use this to gloss over the pain and sorrow of these times but to step into them with Jesus, as I have described to you earlier. This is a very good way to live. I am a Christian counselor and I have observed that most Christian counseling has been guilty of being overly problem and trauma centered. Very little has been done in the extremely important area of gratitude and making sure that the counselee gets the good from their past as well as resolves the pain of trauma. Both pieces of the puzzle are necessary for a healthy life of ongoing gratitude and stepping in boldly to pain and problems--past and yet to be faced. In both cases, using the approach of stepping in and gratitude, will bring a balanced healing and a healthy lifestyle for ourselves and for anyone counseled in this way. We will, through these approaches, reinterpret our lives; thereby setting ourselves up for success and for a greater number of good experiences to enter into our lives.

These four talks by Dr. Nancy Moelk were given as a parenting class in 2002. Here is a brief excerpt: "Is it possible to have great love for your children but that love is not being received very well by them? Even though we love our children with great intensity, that love does not always get communicated to our children in a way they can receive. Our idea of how to love may not be in a language that the child understands." What are the four ways to communicate love in a way that the love you have will truly touch the child? •Loving Eye Contact •Loving Voice •Undivided Attention •Non-Sexual Touch You can use these teachings and materials as classes to help yourself or for a parent class. Here are more resources on these classes if you want to use them for study. (See also this article for more insight on child raising.)